Living Sacrifice

No more Honeymoon, forever my Honey

2010-08-25T23:17:00.001-07:00

LDR.

Countless people have asked me about it. And I know, out of all who ask, most of them don't feel hopeful for me. I know, I can't tell. Thanks to the encouraging few out there!!

Some people ask me if its tough. Is it tough? DUH. But does it mean that just because its tough, I give up on this wonderful girl that I've set my eyes on? You know what: marriage is tough sometimes. Does it mean you don't get married forever?

True enough, LDR ain't always easy. We have our valleys, quarrels etc. And of course, some people think we're still in our honeymoon period. Dang find out the facts first!

But the most important fact of all, is that this is gonna be possible, and that I will stick to this darling always, is because of Jesus in our lives. More and more, we see why having a strong relationship with Jesus first is so important. Because sooner or later, we see the spots of the other person. The bad habits, the pimples and the white hair.

Yet, only God's love surpasses all these and loves the person exactly for who he or she is. And because we have a model to follow, that's what keeps a relationship going. When we imitate God's love, we come out of a quarrel sweeter than before; stronger than ever.

Love is about risk too. And we have taken the risk to open our hearts to each other. We were hurt by each other before, but God has miraculously brought us back together. And we look back and now realize that the period of pain, was perhaps, necessary.

We believe God has so much more in store, and we're opened to His leading. People show me a certain face when I tell them I don't know what to do after I finish my studies. 'How're you gonna earn money, provide for family etc etc' Yea sure the man's the provider of the family, and I will work hard in future. But deep in my heart, the TRUE PROVIDER and BREAD MAKER of my family is God. He has been providing for my own family and will continue to do so. And when we trust in His providence, it opens us up to so much more. It frees us to do His work and His will, and we no longer have the burden of thinking of how to make money, because God said to seek His Kingdom and it'll be added unto us.

So we think of seeking His Kingdom, not seeking money. Of course, my dear girl loves God so much and from her life, anyone can tell she's juz living for Jesus.

And look at my parents. More than 10 yrs w Dad in Vietnam. Now our family's probably closer than before.

If God is for us, who can be against us!

ARISE 2010

2010-08-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

Wow what an experience it has been! Serving with the Clancys has always been so refreshing! Its so encouraging to see people walking by faith and giving their lives COMPLETELY to God, and the result is pure joy; living for Him and the miracles that follow when we open our lives to God.

The past 1 yr in Maju might have hardened me a bit. Perhaps I've had to deal with all sorts of people and slowly, my heart conditioned itself not to open up to others and perhaps, even to God. But finally, a mini- breakthrough. God simply touched me in the most unexpected place - in the shower. I was just singing ' Jesus You are my Lord, my God, You're my Saviour'. And then - my heart was strangely warmed. God's love just reassured me again, and perhaps broke down the barriers of fear that my heart would be hurt by others, and to let me not just know, but experience and let God's love sink into my heart, and live it out in my life. For Christians who grow up in church, its easy to know about God's love, and because of the judgmental nature of people (esp Singaporeans), we are sort of being forced to 'know' it. Yet what's the point if our hearts don't realize it. Only God can soften and change our hearts.

And so, I'm opened to God's leading. Wherever You lead, help me to go. Cos we Christians have nothing to lose!

WooHoo!

What's wrong with me?

2010-06-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I go, something screams at me , telling me there's something wrong w me and I'm not good enough. There's always something to change; that I'm not doing enough.

People in camp don't seem to respect me and I get the feeling that they think I'm not a very good worker and maybe a slacker; nothing outstanding at all. I can't seem to click with some of church ppl anymore; I wish I could connect w people more easily. Is there somethin wrong w me? I come to God each time feeling unworthy and like there's always something to be corrected; is there something wrong with me. That's why I can't hear His voice; that's why I dunno what to do etc.

I'm tired of being corrected, not doing enough, not being good enough for anyone!!!

God is there something wrong w me?

I Will Be Here

2010-02-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

I miss you. You know one thing good about God? HE DOSEN't HAVE TO MISS ANYONE, COS HE'S EVERYWHERE WITH EVERYONE!!!!!

Wish I could be there.

I Will Be Here - Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,Hold my hand and have no fear,
‘Cause I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here when you feel like being quiet;
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen.
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we’ll be together,
‘Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,I will be here.
As sure as seasons are made for change,Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here, so you can cry on my shoulder;
When the mirror tells us we’re older, I will hold you.
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty,
And tell you all the things you are to me;I will be here.

I will be true to the promise I have made,
To you and to the One who gave you to me.

As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I, I will be here.

We'll be together and i will be here."

What a lovely song! "Oh Lord, help me be true to the promise i have made to her and to You, who gave her to me. Help me to honour her more each day."

As much as I'd love to be there for you, no one beats God. As you listen to this song, first take it as a love song from God to you!! Cos He's always more reliable, more faithful, more patient, more everything that's goood!!!

But after that, I can sing this song to you also la hahaha:)

Take care u:)

I will be here.

God's Jigsaw

2009-07-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

We're all living in an age of uncertainty, and anything can happen. And the scary part is that anything BAD can happen. So it helps to remember that we, Christians, have a God who's in control and knows the full picture of the jigsaw of our lives.

The truth is: we'll only see the jigsaw of our lives completed when we reach heaven. There'll be plenty of mysteries, questions and stuff we won't understand while we're here on earth. Perhaps we look back and see the few pieces fixed already, but what lies ahead and HOW God places the remaining pieces; we don't know. And what's in the past may even look boring, plain, or even WRONG on their own.

Or maybe the first few pieces looked alright, even beautiful. Yet one day Satan comes along, picks up a piece and tries to fit it in a wrong position. Maybe the final piece to finish the jigsaw, but at the wrong time. Or simply bringing a cup of milk and spilling it all over, messing up our lives. Or so it seems.

Yet we need to get this: that Satan is no feat for God. God says," Give me back that piece, that's the wrong one." And satan, with trembling hands, returns it to God. Or God simply takes His ADIDAS IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING towel, and wipes off the spilled milk.

Are you worried about how your jigsaw will turn out?

Or can you trust the One fixing the jigsaw? Can you live life freely without worrying, as if God has already completed your jigsaw? Cos He will.

1Co 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

Ps: For a lesson on life, sign up for the Standard Chartered marathon. Its a sermon on the run, literally. :)

A Place of Thus Far

2009-07-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

“Then King David went in and sat before the LORD and said, ’Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?’” 2 Samuel 7:18 (ESV)

Devotion:
Have you been in a place of “thus far?” A place where you find yourself in the constant misting of God’s blessing and favor on your life. Not blessings and favor by the world’s standards of materialism and wealth, but by the Lord’s standard of provision, protection, providence, and peace that come from walking with the Lord on a daily basis.

You arrive at the place by faith, following the Lord’s leading and trusting His ways, not your own. One day, as you meet with the Lord, like David, you sit and take summary of all the Lord has done for you. With compulsory praise and complete humility you say to the Lord, “Who am I that you have brought me thus far?”

Oh the places David had seen in his lifetime! From the grassy meadows, to the splendor of palace life, a drafty cave, back to the throne itself. Yes, King David had arrived at a place of “thus far” in his life. He had experienced every emotion that exists, from confidence to fear, love to hate, and sadness to joy. After all that King David had been through I can certainly understand why he needed to go sit before the LORD and ask, "Who am I?"

He was overwhelmed at the goodness of God and the faithfulness he had experienced. He had been through some of the toughest situations a person could go through, yet because He remained faithful God was allowing David to receive his just reward. I have to think the reward of kingship and royalty paled in comparison to knowing the goodness and faithfulness of God.

Have you been there? Life has taken twists, turns, and changes at every bend, yet somehow for a season you have arrived at a place to receive abundant blessings from the Lord. You realize your place of thus pales in comparison to knowing and experiencing the goodness and faithfulness of God.

No matter what current circumstances you find yourself in, with our Living God there is always a place of “thus far” awaiting around the next bend. This is a place of celebration, praise, complete humility and gratitude before the Lord. I have discovered the hardships we go through are all worthwhile when we get to our place of “thus far.” In compulsory praise, with a humbled heart, we can pour our blessings back out to the Lord in praise and cry, “Who I am Lord, that you have brought me thus far?”

Dear Lord, forgive me when I fail to sit and take summary of Your tremendous favor in my life. The misting of blessings and favor are far superior to anything this world can afford me. Help me to remember my place of “thus far” when Your plan for my life leads me to another season that may be risky and cause me to walk by faith and not by sight. I offer this praise of thanksgiving to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Wendy Pope

Live in the Present

2009-07-19T22:22:00.001-07:00

CONTENTMENT avoids:
o the desire for things more than God
o the desire for pleasure more than godliness
o the longing for more things than for Him who is to be all in all
o the desire for what others have when they have more or better things or situations than we have and the constant thoughts about things over the spiritual world

Dancing Past Regrets

2009-07-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

From crosswalk.com....

The Writer of our story and the One who has ordained all our days loves us intimately. The number of precious thoughts He has toward us cannot even be measured! That means God not only has our life story planned out, but because He loves us immeasurably, that story is truly a good one…one of loving kindness and hope. So we don’t need to be doubled over in disappointment and shame, thinking our lives are past the point of ever turning out well. We don’t need to live with regrets that we made certain choices that messed up our lives. We can, instead, dance past those regrets knowing that God is still in charge and He knows the plans He has for us, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11b).

Will you go through this day differently knowing that the Writer of your story has precious thoughts of you too numerable to measure? And will you trust Him today that He has this chapter of your life already resolved and is waiting for you to see the benefits of trusting Him as you live through it?

You can rejoice today knowing that your circumstances are no accident in the eyes of an all-knowing, all-seeing God. And because your days were written out in His book before you were born, He has already planned the “happy ending” that still lies ahead of you. Don’t’ give up on God because your story in His book is only half-lived.

Trust the process.

Trust your Maker.

And rest in the fact that the Writer knows exactly what’s ahead and can get you safely to the “happily ever after.”

I Choose You Jesus

2009-07-10T23:28:00.000-07:00

Ah Jesusss heal my heart...Old wounds hurt alot.

Sometimes thinking about the future sucks. But I guess thats not the case if God's always in the picture.

Trusting God prob means to not worry or fear or think of how to handle the future. Trusting God prob means living, being thankful, enjoying the present.

Help me 2 trust You.

Straight Line

2009-06-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

God after so much, I just learn how You are a CONSTANT.

In a rollercoaster graph, You are the X-AXIS, the One who cuts through the ups and downs and always brings us back. The neutral and the normal.

Sometimes our problems seem so real. NO, YOU ARE THE REALITY. No things won't take a turn for e worse, but in Your Name there's always hope, a better future and a joyful NOW.

I dun care, or I dun wanna care about anything but You God. Sometimes its hard to believe or trust anything, anyone already. Everything is so uncertain, unsure. But You are always CONSTANT.

Dun let the things that happen in this world or things You do, change this believe of mine in You, cos Your intentions and You are always CONSTANT. You KNOW the plans You have for us, yes, You KNOW. Thats so important, I'm glad You really do KNOW what ya doing, You're SURE of what You want for me and Yourself and everyone.

Because You're CONSTANT, make my trust in You constant.

Life of Love for You

2009-06-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I dunno if I'm okay or not. I feel like there's nothin much and all, feelin alright and things are fine, yet deep inside I still feel so unsettled and that some things are not right. Maybe I'm just bad at adapting to change, or fear of the future or just thinking too much.

God, when things go wrong in this world, what do we make of it?

There are some things that have happened in the world which I still cannot put together with the promises of the Bible. I have brought some of these questions to older and wiser guys, and somehow they've managed to convince me for that particular case. But deep inside, sometimes God's promises just don't seem to fit!

For example, horrible things like holocausts and world wars; how can I look at this, and I flip to Jeremiah 29:11 and I say to the victims who died of terrible gases: God has a plan to prosper you, a to give you a hope and a future. Oh well some can say that the hope and future lies in heaven. But then again, isn't that an excuse? So anything bad can happen to a Christian, as long as he or she continues to hang on to God and go to heaven in the end. So what promises and HOW can we hang on to His promises?

God how can you let these things happen??

Maybe I still don't see things thru Your eyes.
Or I still don't believe You simply wanna give Your best and Your love.

Or maybe I'm just emoing haha. Ahhhh well I shouldnt be so pessimistic; we choose what we wanna see. But I dun think Christians should 'lie' to themselves sometimes with good promises from the Bible and try to feel happy. Truth is we prob get some shitty deals in life. Maybe before we accept a promise from God, it pays to really know what God is offering or its easy to get disappointed.

That was a very selfish post, yet I'm proud of my honesty.

God its hard to give and live for You when I feel frustrated and disappointed with You, that sometimes You let sadistic things happen in our lives, and I dunno who You are anymore.

Who are You, God?

Still You are the Everlasting and Unchanging God, the God who's always in the picture in any situation. Your answers may be harder than our questions, so when we've reached a point where there's nothing much to ask, I just live by faith, a life to love Him.

It's all about You, Jesus.

It's been a while since I typed here, so much has happened. Now following God in dry seasons without much feelings can be a tough one, and the devil can really confuse. I can choose to believe I'm losing faith and passion in Him. Or maybe I know that deep inside, I dun love God cos of mere feelings, but that He's the One I can't live without, the One I can be so sure of who always does the best for me and never disappoints.

I dun think anyone comes here, yay i juz need a space to vent my weird n emo thoughts haa.

I Just Want You Jesus

2009-05-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

Arms of My Saviour

2008-10-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

Byebye civilization HAHA. Finally, its time to get my head shaved n become a MAN, after waiting for so long. Perhaps I shld do a reflection of the past few months.

Oh not like I have alot to share. In fact, there prob is so much that I'd want to bury and not bring up anymore. Stupid life. How am I feeling now? I'm good! But there are just some things where you look back at and...sigh, cringe, punch e air etc.

Then again, I know my God specialises in that. My God specialises in taking the parts of our life which we wanna dump away; the disappointments and hurts and regrets and using them for total awesome crap which we cannot imagine. I have no idea what and how God is gonna do in my life; absolutely not very outstanding and with financial crisis looming; hmmm i know that He specialises in using the ordinary. Ordinary to do the impossible.

I'm so glad we have a calling. Because we have a calling, I know that I have a 'space' on earth tasked for me to do, and I wont be like jobless n juz lost somewhere not knowing what the future holds. I know that every second in my life has been called and planned by Him, and not a mili-second is wasted. That includes the crap that we go thru. Its not without reason.

Joseph's story is gonna anchor my army life as a model. Firstly, he was 2 years in prison. I'll be in prison for 2 years. HAHA. No la not so bad, but abit the less freedom huh. But whereever he went, he did his best and stayed faithful n righteous. And God's favour was so on him, even in prison. And that was exactly the turning point in his life!

Joseph had a dream. But telling it to His brothers got him to serious trouble. Or was it part of God's plan? Looking back, was the dream from God? Sure is. Did he know at that time? NO! But what matters are the faithful small steps of obedience you take, and whether its God's dream fro you or not, nothing stop God's will for your life.

I like major changes. Cos they feel like new beginnings; new chances to start over. And in army, to just meet people you've never met before! People who dunno you or your past haha. K i shall stop talkin like a drug addict, n maybe I shld stop complaining about my 'past' haha. Oh well looking back is always depressing. Hmm unless I start to see God's hand in it. Cos He is the Great Engineer.

JOY. My theme for army! I thought joy was the best thing to pray for last time cos i thought that no matter what happened, we will automatically be joyful. HAHAHAHAHA. WHAM. WRONG DUDE. Joy has to be LEARNT. We shall learn joy in times of darkness. Hmm ok maybe i shldnt pray for that in e end. Kiddin la.

I scared I become ahbeng. I said this before poly; passed stage 1. Now's like a jump to stage 10.

I'll leave w the chorus of Lincoln's song. Blusey emo tune, but how comforting. So new not even on youtube yet, but you find it (oh if anyone still reads this) soon hopefully.

The Arms of My Saviour
There’s no other place that I’d rather be
Than safe in the arms the arms of my Savior
There’s no other place where I can be free
So I run to the arms the arms of my Savior

My heart reaches to those who have been disappointed with God and are still, deep in their hearts, desiring to run back to Him, but doubts and old hurts n fears push em away. Cos i've been there. And it felt like I lived without Him for a while. But life without God is? HELL. It sucks without Him. I see atheists and cant imagine how empty their life is. How meaningless their life is. One even said, " I do not believe in Jesus, but I sure miss Him."

WHAM. How sad is that?

If you miss Jesus, no pressure to run back. Run back when ya ready, cos His arms are wide open and waiting for you fren. You may have disappointments for a while, but in e end, where else better to be then in the arms of our Saviour? Where else could we go besides His arms of love? Cos outside of that is deceit, lies, suffering and pain. Inside is redemption and future hope.

All e best to everyone! Esp e A level babies at this period, lets hope God spoke to ya'll bout the future if u read this :D In His hands!

Byebye everyone.

I Know You Do

2008-08-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm always in the wrong.

Can someone

FRIGGIN

UNDERSTAND

God I know You do.

Where the Hell?

2008-07-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

Where the hell are You my God, where the hell are You?
Since what I hear ain't what I see,
You might as well just forget about me.

I thought when friends leave and there's nobody left,
You said that You'll be there.
Well what I hear ain't what I see,
And if that's the case then forget about me.

What am I pissed about I just don't know,
The more I anger others, the more I anger me
A genius stuck in a retard, a saint trapped in demons
What I wanna scream gets lost in the way.

How do I tell others of the pain in me?
A dagger in my heart is like a joke for their laughs.
Masks in the day disguise the torment,
Darkness falls and there, death calls.

Is this the life I'm meant to live?
Being everything whom I don't want to be.
Everything that goes wrong points fingers at me,
And if that's the case life can just forget about me.

You claimed to be the Good Shepherd, my Strong tower
Yet defenses I have to erect, protection I search for.
My family, myself all trusted in You,
Should we continue to act like fools?

It's Worth It

2007-12-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

"Yesterday's challenges were lost in today's joy.

God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.

Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right ... and best. He's the Father of forward motion. Trust him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast."

"My child; you have no idea about the plans I have for you. No idea. You'll be amazed by Me."

I AM FREE

2007-12-05T20:10:00.000-08:00

If the Son has set me free, I am free indeed.

Use my Tears

2007-12-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

Its when your life gets disrupted that you start doing things out of the norm. I went for a swim today! Last time was prob a few yrs ago. Think the only style I could still decently swim is...FROG STYLE. My favourite.

Reminded me of childhood, where Jesus and my family was all that mattered.

I'd like to imagine that I cried out the whole swimming pool. Tears from probably the past 2 yrs. And now people are swimming in it, enjoying a swim and all. Yea and if only it was some kinda Living Water, or even be used for baptism! Yea if only God had so many other ways to use my tears for good.

And I know He will. I know He will use my tears for good. For His glory. Maybe even the salvation of others. For the joy of others. Anything that's good; Lord please use mine for good. Just like how You used Rachel's tears.

As I soaked there, I wanted to just cry out another pool of tears. It's such a struggle at work everyday, coz I don't even have time to sit down and cry. I can't even talk to anyone about it, and still gotta put up a smile in the workplace.

It's in times of feeling totally overwhelmed and so desperate for God where i know He's there. Coz sometimes I don't. It's when the slightest task becomes so difficult to even carry out, that we know everything we do is totally dependent on His strength.

Thx to you all for chatting online though, during working hours. Janell truly injects joy into others hahahaha. And images of my future rock band bringing others to Christ. Yea there's so much more hope beauty to life; I just gotta look at them. Had an analogy while we were going to sentosa, but enough typing :p.

"Use my tears". My next song. Haha.

God used Rachel's tears. He's gonna use mine. Yours?

The Weeping God

2007-11-29T02:17:00.000-08:00

"That's it. God weeps for us."

Jesus, my Weeping God, you care.
When I hurt, you not only understand my pain, but you feel it.
When I cry, your tears match mine.
Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for being the Divinely Human One.
Amen.

I love You for that, Jesus. Can't do without You.

Psalm 40

2007-11-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

Even in my pain, put a new song in my mouth, so that many will see and fear. That they will trust in the name of the Lord.

Offering

2007-11-28T01:31:00.000-08:00

After hearing Sunday's sermon, I'm gonna write a song called:

Alabaster Jar

I Belong to You

2007-11-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

What a joke! I failed NAPFA by 2cm. Yes Standing Broad Jump, and everything else passed. How wasted. I still ran like my last run though, and after 3 yrs without timing, I thought I was gonna die! Blurred vision, puking, couldn't walk. And then I just laid there. Somebody was asking for us to line up and return stuff and all. I juz laid there; recovering from the awful feeling, panting and gasping for water. HAha i didn't care about how others looked at me coz i simply was so desperate and no strength to do so.

And then:

You caught my soul when I was struggling to breathe
You made me whole and now Your majesty i see
I Belong to You

Wow. Never before had I thirst so badly; panted so badly and felt the awful puke come up once and again. But in the midst of that desperation, the Lord's presence was so awesome. He caught me.

Not caring about others looking at you; soo desperate for Him. Comfort in pain; His presence is all we need. Everything. Everything I need and more.

I know You're everything
I know You're all I need
I know You're everything to me

8th Wonder of the World in my Email

2007-11-06T19:13:00.000-08:00

"Mark Masillanomey added you as a friend on Facebook...‏"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Eterno Dios

2007-11-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

One thing I know that I have found,

Through all the troubles that surround,

You are the Rock that never fails,

You never fail.

I still can smile. For who You are and the glorious future with You.

Eterno Dios.

You will remain after the day is gone and the things of earth have past.

You are God

2007-10-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

Jonah 4:4 But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"

Ouch

2007-10-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

Everything just flew back.

But You are good, Lord. I will run to the Hiding Place.

Trust the Seasons; why not God?

2007-10-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be preparing for worship ministry meeting, but need to put down my thoughts. Maybe let off some steam :(

These few weeks have been a blank. Yea working takes away your time to think; to really sit down and think. My sis said when people start working, their hearts really harden. Yea, coz there's less time to get in touch with ur emotions. Yet, at times it felt like an emo coaster still. Thank you all who were just there. No idea man; no idea how grateful I am.

Crossroads. To the left is the path that ends up in hell. For those who gave up following Him and chose the dark side. Because of what they see at the crossroads, they want the easy way out. Not a nice ending though. To the right is heaven. The journey seems impossible though. But of course. Only the God of miracles can carry them through. Signboards show His unending grace; it's always there. We just gotta choose.

What determines who go left or right? Faith. Lose it; turn left. Choose to believe? Proceed to the way everlasting.

Here i am standing at the crossroads. At times, it's easy to trust in the Lord and say: 'Yes I'll keep running after You." The next second, as I start talking about stuff, I get so angry. I realise there's still so much bitterness and disappointment. Talking or thinking about stuff makes my blood boil. Fine it's my fault; but didn't I try to do something about it?

Sometimes, it's not nice if I have to lead people to worship the One whom I myself feel disappointed and angry with. Each time I have to step on stage to lead worship or plan worship stuff, I have to humble myself before Him and pray: "Lord take my anger away. I know there's a blindspot I'm missing out, and this disappointment in me is uncalled for, because I know You are good always. I choose to leave it at the foot of the cross and surrender everything to You as You use me."

"Do the same now, as I prepare for the meeting."

The path to hell ironically looks tempting, since along the way, I don't have to please the One whom I'm disappointed with.

"Lord give me grace. Grace to hang on to You. To CHOOSE You. To TRUST You."

Yea God's as faithful as the changing seasons. As sure as spring comes after winter, surely He will turn our mourning into dancing.

From the Purpose driven devotional:
Read this sentence three times: “The Truth is not dependent on my ability to understand what is going on.” (OK, go back and really repeat it three times!) Let God interpret the facts; let him explain the situation. Meanwhile, focus on God and not on your limited ability to understand events or circumstances. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)

Turn it Around

2007-10-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had an escape to ECP, with somebody who happened to over sleep and miss church once again. Hahahahaha. Thx Kel it was a treasured day of rest, chillax, pouring out my frustrations and brotherly love. Good food of course. No worries we ain't gay, and Corrinne is not just a decoy. Or a tool.HAHAHAHA. Sq will get that:)

After a week of tears, I thank God for those who stuck thru and was there, and some who simply were themselves and just allowing me to be myself. Now I start the week with a new song in my heart, throwing away what's behind and looking forward to the glorious future.

Haha yay Kel has a dream like mine: To go for missions! Him, Cor, myself and God-knows-who, to God-knows-where. HA!! Impossible is nothing.

I thought maybe that was what God wanted. I was just wondering man, not that I meant it or will really do it. To be a friend who sticks through and never fails; that's all I ever wanted to be. And I still wanna be. But I guess maybe inevitably, we still disappoint others no matter how hard we try, and that's when God comes in and reminds only He is perfect. I don't know what else I can do, or try to do, but it's all up to Him from now I guess. A knot only He can untie.

10 years from now, I look back and will prob laugh at myself, maybe with a hint of disgust. For my failures to God and others, unnecessary tears etc. But i know there'll be a smile too, for the path that the Lord sets us on is the best He's given to us. He's given us His best shot; His all.

And now, I think He deserves my all and determination to press on, looking forward to the glorious future He has in store, throwing away anything that hinders and running the race.

For God? Please?

2007-10-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

I just watched the Taiwanese game show with Jackie hosting (again haha). This episode was another competition for dogs & owners. Sounds typical, but Taiwanese ideas really rock man. There was this stage where the dog has to stand on a platform, which is surrounded by a toy train-track. The owner would be standing a distance in front of him. The game goes like this: a toy train travel past the dog, and on it was something distracting or tempting (meat, loudhailer etc). The winner was the one who stayed on top for the longest and not get distracted and walk off the platform.

The key was for the dogs to really keep their eyes on their owner. Once they turned away and looked at the distractors or other people screaming at them, it was so easy to stray. And it's not just fixing their eyes on the owner; they had to obey too. They had to trust in Him. They had to focus.

Oops did I type 'Him'? Haha yeap fine another cheesy analogy. How essential though, that we fix our eyes on Him, for He knows best.

Thank You Lord for bringing me through e week, retreat & Youthphoria! Booths were great!!

Yea i'm very sorry. I still really am. It hurts real bad; to have a friend give up on you. May I, though, plead you; I implore you: Don't give up on this friendship? Not that I deserve anything at all, but let's work it out for our Lord? Maybe will take some time & tears, but please. Let's do it for Him. Yea i'm no position to say anything. It may not be the same again; but there's certainly room for reconciliation. Will you see me not as a God's failure, but God's project? Just for Him?

I've Still Got the Joy

2007-10-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

God's good all e time. Huh. Yea and when the bad times come, we wonder. Maybe it's time to relook at the sentence itself. To look at the word good. When God says He's good, wads it mean? Yea maybe it's time I need to believe in that not based on circumstances or my own definition. When God's good, He's good in His own terms, not ours.

So, God's good when He:

Is disgusted at the sin, but crazy for the sinner;

Gives us a path we'll wanna choose again if given the choice;

Does not change a situation, but our minds for e better;

Does not remove a pain, but shares it;

Sees through our masks into our crying hearts;

Is there to pick us up when there's no one left;

Keeps each precious tear that fall;

Disciplines when He has too, not when he feels like;

Wants to forgive more than we want to be forgiven;

Turns our mistakes into miracles.

You are a goodgood God.

Why am I still crying? I don't know. I don't know anymore. But the deepest joy comes from the deepest pain; greatest peace comes from the greatest turmoil. Hope comes from hopelessness; from mourning comes dancing. All because of a good God.

I've got the Word; the Word of God that sets me free.

Sorry Fren

2007-10-16T05:47:00.000-07:00

It hurts when I hurt others. Especially those closer. And knowing that inevitably, your 101th mistake will surely change their faith and trust in you, even if unconsciously: ouch.

The real pain was that I always wanted to be a faithful friend, yet failed to. I thought I'd been one, but in the end failed to; that was a real stab in the heart. Yea sorry for the shock. That thought was simply 'unredeemable' I guess, and yea I really didn't mean it. Selfish, heartless, childish. I guess I failed the ‘test’ of friendship huh.

I hope you know though, that I kinda struggled for 2 years, my own fault and not anyone's, and maybe I just blurted out this time coz I really really dunno what to do already. There were really unbearable times, but I just held on and didn’t say anything. That’s when the thoughts came in. But this time I just couldn’t take it, but I really didn’t mean it. I really didn’t mean it. The joys and jokes far surpassed the bad times, and I am grateful especially after so much nonsense I’ve caused. But I guess for now, the damage is done. I'm still here to offer anything, if there's any.

Of course I wanna be normal and myself and everything, and I'll really try my best. Maybe you can’t understand why I can’t be just normal; maybe coz it never really hurt you like that before. Thank God it didn’t. Yea I don’t wanna be fake at the same time? Coz sometimes it’s just painful, so it’s hard to be myself. But yea I promised I’ll give my all, and I think I already gave my all since the start. If still not good enough, I’m sorry. Guess God’s the only one who won’t disappoint.

Thank You

2007-09-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

How many times have I hurt others but get back something undeserved? It's so unfair to them. I promise i'll watch out for others even more man. Others above self! Yup thank you for giving me a glimpse of God's grace and love. I can only imagine how He's like.

Thank you:) So much.

Yea SQ asked a great qns. If there weren't any promises from God in the first place, will you still love Him? In my better times, I can easily say YES. Man when i'm crying and hurting away and pissed off with Him, dude it's hard man. But again, that's where grace comes in. Even our ability to hold on to Him and love Him is drawn from His grace. And we know that nothing on this earth is able to seperate us from the love of Jesus. YEAAAAAAAAAAA BABYYYYY! With that, what other promise do we need???

Once again I thank You.

Faith or Foolishness?

2007-09-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

God's promises won't let go of me. Huh. I know. But have you ever felt that His promises always seem to have a catch? Like they say it must always be read in context and all etc. In the end, what else is there to hold on to? After all the filters, who's entitled to those promises?

Yes I'm in dangerous territory now. I no longer DARE to be sensitive to His voice. I no longer DARE hold on to any of His promises, maybe for the fear of disappointment? Except for the assurance of salvation. Other than that, what else can we hold on to?

What if Abraham heard wrongly? What if he really sacrificed Issaac to death? Won't that be utter foolishness?

What if David heard wrongly? What if Goliath killed him instead? Won't that be utter foolishness?

What if Moses heard wrongly? Won't the Ark standing in the midst of mockers who are sun-taning away, be evidence of how foolish Moses was?

Faith or Foolishness? What if they had heard wrongly?

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

2007-09-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

Lord please work it out? I think i'm trying my best, but fail always? I've got no strength anymore. How it sucks to just hurt from something you ain't supposed to be hurt about, and you can't really tell anyone? I think i've given what i can give, and tried to please You in all i did. If it's still wrong, I guess I give up?

Yea i miss everything. But if God's against me, what can I do? Yet i know it's not true; help me believe it. But how i wish so bad, I could just erase everything?

I know You've worked it out. Is anything too hard for You? I need You.

You are Good...always

2007-09-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

Talk about being a man. I cried on the way home. HAR.

Love this analogy from Lucado. He walks in to the museum with his wife and kids, and when everyone walks past the Mona Lisa, they'll be in awe. That is da-pit-stop, where tourists from all around the world all stand still and marvel at the majesty and beauty of it. From everyone, you'll hear the WAAAH's and the WHOOOOO's. Everyone, except Max himself. He's the only one ain't enjoying it. Why? Because he's carrying all the luggage of his wife and kids. When you have tons of baggage on your shoulders, it's already a wonder if you can stand in front of the picture and say," You are beautiful."

We carry the baggages of life everywhere with us, so much so that it takes the wonder of life itself away. Why isit that some people can just....ENJOY life?!? A lot of them are slackers, and one thing they do best is leaving their baggage behind. Not to encourage the habit of slacking, but there's really something to learn from them.

There's stubborn luggage though. Some hook themselves onto us. Just when you thought it was over, you realise that there's a dead knot from your shirt to the handle. The wheels stuck to your shoes.

THE PAIN ENGRAVED IN YOUR HEART.

THE HURTS DRILLED IN YOUR MIND.

THE HAUNTING MEMORIES THAT PUT GHOSTS TO SHAME.

Lord You never hurt us; You only comfort us.
Lord You never betray us; You only remain faithful.
Lord You never bring sorrow; for joy flows from You abundantly.

Lord You are good.

Stronger

2007-09-14T03:03:00.000-07:00

My lesson here may struck some of you as it has struck me. Thx Deblam.

My Dad's always overseas, and for years, the home has often without a mature male for me to look up to. Yea, he comes back once in a while, but more often than not, I'm supposed to be the 'man of the house'. HA. But when's there's somebody else called your 'MOTHER' ruling the household, instead of having a male role model to look up to, I'm now looking up to a female role model. Which means, i'm more exposed to how women react to problems and everything, than how men do.

That explains why i totally CRUMBLE so easily. I can't take pressure and stress; I get worked up and pissed easily; I usually order drinks meant for females without knowing it and choose the shoes that I wanna buy onlyto hear, " Sorry sir. That's for ladies."

Harhar. Are u scared?!?! Don't need to...I'm FULLY GUY, FULLY MALE, TOTALLY STRAIGHT. So what makes me a guy? God. God made me a guy.

Which means its time to start acting like one. I'm not saying Zabo's cannot make it. But right now, I'm behave totally like one. When Kel was describing his gf, totally sounded like me. And it's time to be STRONGER. Calmly solving problems, not flaring up easily, watching my language etc. Women got their way to handle stuff; and guys have theirs. It's time to be a MAN OF GOD. Hahahaha.

Anyone has parents overseas?!?! Yooohooo. Haha. God's alr solved our problem: church. Thank God for role models in church!

This gives me greater respect for dad. How he's so strong. Muscles don't really matter huh. Haha.

Yup. So look for a mentor. Of the same gender. It works:):)

Our God Saves

2007-09-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Got back results today! Indeed, He's a miracle maker. I thought I may fail marketing research. I got AD. That's like the highest grade of all; only got few in my whole poly life. I got AD for Marketing Research. I know I definitely didn't deserve it. Ok I skipped church camp for it. But yea...didn't do much! May this be the first miracle I'll remember the Lord doing in my life. Not kidding. All praise and honour and glory is His:):)

Anw, I haven't blogged for so long, because I don't really have any analogies to encourage you anymore. I'll think of more, so you can visit here maybe twice a year? Haha k lah not so bad.

Yea. So what. I don't really care anymore.

I AM FREE TO LIVE FOR YOU.

John 8:36
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Where are You driving

2007-09-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

If driving brings the possibility of accidents, does it mean you should never drive?

Even after a crash, should we stop driving forever? Maybe it's your fault, maybe it's not. But it's a crash.

If God's fuelling it, sure. Just not another one please.

I am FREE to run. FREE to dance. FREE to rejoice. FREE to live for YOU. Help me.

God is for me; NEVER against me

2007-08-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

God's agenda above mine. It's alright if things don't go the way I want. Because when we follow God's agenda, things will be BETTER than what we wanted. He knows best.

I wanted to pray for Rudy after service, to try and look at the needs of others instead of my own, especially after the sermon, which reminded that it's not about me. But then he finished sharing, and asked me how I was. And just at that moment, Derek Ho started playing "I Could Sing", which at that very minute, seemed like the most emo song ever composed. I couldn't take it. I'm just scared and confused. No one saw though, and that's good in a way.

It feels as though God's against me sometimes, and that He's playing around with my life. Can't trace His hand, yet difficult to trust His heart too. Getting back to the simple fact that God's good all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Father I surrender all my fears into Your hands, knowing that I'm walking in Your will and that there's nothing to be afraid of in Your presence. Help me focus on You and place Your agenda above mine, looking at the needs of others and trusting in Your perfect ways. It's not about me. Amen.

Anyway, went to study after church with 2 crazy people, and I thank God for them. Exams!!!!!! But that means holidays soon. To all who are still trapped in the cruel world of studies: JIAYOU.

Blessed week all.

You are so Faithful

2007-08-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

Everytime we look back in time and see how God has brought us through a period, His faithfulness can bring tears to eyes.

I was walking back from school, and that was going to be one of the last times I'll be walking back from school. The same route, for 3 years. Yea not the best 3 years of my life, and not exactly bonded to Ngee Ann. Not like a very prestigious place to be in anyway. Not the closest of friends there either, though I thank God for many. i didn't really bring anyone to Christ either. Well not yet.

God dosen't always put us in placest we love, but places where we'll learn, grow and do His mighty work. Placest which will prepare us for the next one.

Yea the hardest times were experienced here, and here I am, still alive and kickin, stronger than ever. I'm ready for ARMY.

Ok wait attachment first. Do you see a link between....BUSINESS STUDIES and ANIMAL FOOD? YES? NO?

Right now, i don't see much huh. HAHA. But that's exactly where i'm posted to! Some place in Leng Kee Road. Shan't mention the company name here, since they told us not to blog about it. But I'm excited!!!!! Coz i think i'll have so much more time for ministry and to chill and all that! I hope!!!

Supper with mother. TATA!!!

Little Miss Maverick

2007-08-09T10:04:00.001-07:00

How on earth did God think of something like that? Cutest boy ever.

PS: Pls ignore the guy's shirt in the background. I hope we're looking at just half the word.

Rain Down

2007-08-09T05:49:00.000-07:00

Thank You for making Singapore what she is today, and making me part of her :) Happy Birthday!

Birthday wish: THAT THERE WILL BE REVIVAL IN THIS NATION.

Jesus Christ is coming to town!

Love your Neighbour

2007-08-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

It's over! Yea we got a miserable C, while the others...pointless comparing huh. It's over anyway!

Supposed to go for DG today, and I really wanted to go. But after the presentation, I just needed the company of great frens. Thank you SQ and Aud. Made my day.

Who am I to judge? The clay don't say to each other: " Dude you're ugly man!" The other replies: "Dude you're made by the same Potter!"

No right to judge our fellow bros and sis, since we're made by the same Hands. Sure there're flaws in them. But wait. Ain't that intended by the Maker?

Love your neighbour. Yea i've failed badly so far, but the Maker is there pushing me; guiding me; moulding me.

Love your neighbour. Why try to break each other when the Potter is pleased with who he or she is?

Love your neighbour. Nothing is impossible.

Impossible is nothing.

Just do it.

Blindspots

2007-07-29T03:33:00.000-07:00

I'm looking forward to exams. HAHA. Weird man. I think i'm looking forward to the holidays, which is right after exams, and looking forward to getting over and done with the presentations, which will be before the exams. Don't make sense? I juz woke up:)

I know i'm forgiven for the past angry week, and its going to be difficult for the next week. Loving your neighbour has never become so difficult and real.

Had great times meeting up and chilling with people. Nice chat with Aud, and chilling with Don and Aud, Rufus and Marshall at Crazy Elephant. Deaf after that. LOUD is GOOD.:p Youthphoria at the beach was excellant, and time at Vivo after that was so precious. Can't wait for Kel to be back on wed!!

Blindspots. Oh yea. What a nuisance. I forgot about them after driving school. Who likes checking blind spots? After all, I think I have a good view of everything already. And that I'm in the right anyway. 'Maybe that bike should think twice about about staying on my side.' 'WHY SHOULD I CHECK?' He's the one at the losing end. I'm not going to care. Or maybe its that irritating car over there. 'He's behind me, so he should look out'. What happens in the end? People get hurt. At least one party; usually both. All in the name of selfishness, pride and not understanding the other party.

I know i get angry with God because I don't understand Him sometimes. But from now on i'll make a choice to not flare up and blame Him when I can't even see my own blindspots. I know that there MUST be something which I don't understand right now, but when I finally do, I'll be so thankful for what God's doing, and i'll slap myself for being pissed off. And the same for people. I know that so many times, it's my own blindspots of selfishness, expectations, unappreciation and taking others for granted, and letting my mind play tricks on me, that I so easily come up with my own conclusions and start the anger party. And sometimes people get hurt.

Won't there be less misunderstandings and anger and conflicts if everyone check their blindspots regularly? How peaceful the world will be; if the Talibans understood us. Or we understood them. OKAY OUT OF POINT. Hmmmm but you get the idea. And I'm so gonna be checking my blindspots too. Time to start preventing 'accidents' because of my rashness and selfishness. In fact I'll be thanking God for everyone He's made wonderfully; that we're different. That we all don't 'drive' like exactly the same style, but we have different habits, whether good or not. But I know that checking blindspots will almost be a cure for disappointment as well, because love sets in and we react with the Fruits of the Spirit instead of devilish behaviours.

Looking at the things you don't normally see; what a better place the world will be.

I thank God for Maverick, because of the joy he brings to those around. SO CUUUTE. Hahaha. God bless ya'll and wish you Jesus for a new week!

Tears of Anger

2007-07-25T00:38:00.000-07:00

Take my disappointment.

You're all I want Jesus.

In Your Time

2007-07-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

I lashed out today. In anger. At a non-christian classmate. In front of a class of..random people. Talk about living sacrifice huh?

Tired of worrying and fearing. Back to square 1 of surrendering, trusting, and claiming His promises. Everything in His time.

If i were one of the Koreans, I hope I can still sing 'Lord I'm amazed by You'. Even now, its hard sometimes. Keep praying:) We'll be amazed by His plan, no matter what happens to them. In His time.

All Your Promises Won't Let Go of Me

2007-07-22T23:53:00.000-07:00

Wendy lagging sia...HA. Yup that was during youth sunday eve. What a night. We just couldn't stop..could have gotten a parking ticket for that. Wished more could be there like Kel, AhXui, Rufus, Don and Aud etc. Question: Who's the one taking the photos?! Guess! Actually quite obvious huh. Who else does this man...

Youth Sunday was nice, and Eric and Min did great! SO did everyone else, and I didn't get a youth sunday hangover, but more of a...CHURCH ppl hangover. Love youthphoria so much.

Fear. Yea it comes and goes. I know fear=not trusting in the goodness of God; forgetting He's good all e time and all His promises. I fear of future challenges; or when He gives something only to cruelly take it back; or where i'll end up; or bad news.

Thats the feeling. The truth? God's good. All e time. Simple, yet simple to forget too. But the truth is, God's good all e time, even when it dosen't seem like it. The Devil seems like the good guy sometimes huh? He'll win Oscars for his acting. Too bad can't get past God. Too bad for him.

Busybusy. Yet He's still by our side, even when we don't care. Indescribable. I wanna call it painful love. And lets make it wonderful for Him by accepting that love.

Lord we accept Your love; love which we don't deserve at all. We feel guilty for not giving back enough to You; we don't feel good enough for You. We always try harder for You, but fail so many times. Father teach us that all You want is us; not someone trying to be something else; not someone trying to hide our fears and failures and weaknesses. You want us just as we are; not anything more or less. Thank you for looking at our hearts and not outward appearance. We wanna love You, ourself and others authentically. Amen.

Hold me now in Your arms, and never let me go.

Pursuit of Happiness

2007-07-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

Just watched it. Can cry man. Inspiring! Coz the 'loser' part and 'hopeless' part looked so much like myself. And the future is scary. I look at the week ahead. It's scary. I look at the month of July. Scary. I think of what my future will be like, with what little i possess. How scary.

There's this part where father and son was on the beach, faraway from everything else..the job, bills, rent-chaser, PAIN..none of these could touch them. Aw how i wished, at that moment, I could be there with Jesus. Nothing could touch us. Forever. Just me and Him. Soon!

Quit dreaming.

As for now, i still have work to do.

It's when you've been stripped off everything and left in utter loneliness, that you become more thankful of what's left.

Rubik's Cube the other star in pursuit of happiness. Yea..reminder He's doing something in my life. And yours too:)

You Alone

2007-07-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

Just played soccer with my classmates, and ended with a sprain! Became more of a spectator. And if you happen to feel guilty when hanging out with slackers (which is weird), let me console you abit by telling you that we can really learn how to take life easy from those guys. Many of us are too HURRIED, which feeds our loneliness actually. Yay something I learnt this week.

Yea i've been a nasty person this week. Like becoming the venom side of spiderman, and I don't know why. God still loves me:)

Yup i guess we gotta have the distance and rely on God and everything, but i guess some encouragement could help. You've felt it before, and i guess it's not a very nice position to be in isn't it. Or maybe I really am not relying on God enough. I don't know.:(

Time to go for lecture. Have 10 cards to tap; i guess there's stiill a hint of guainess eh. Bye.

Pissed

2007-07-03T06:58:00.000-07:00

At last, we finally started DG! Yong Liang and Chris are great; thank God! It was a nice time:)

Came home, showered, went for time of prayer(fasting), fell asleep coz was so tired and got up angry. And i don't even know why. Angry with God again. Just so sudden! So moody suddenly; male pms i reckon. Maybe one reason's coz i still am so poor at hearing His voice, that i get frustrated. And i start to think: God why are You so petty and childish? If wanna tell me something, just speak lar!

Look who's the petty one.

But it's tough sometimes, when you get mixed signals from God. Don't even know if it's Him. Well i'll learn. Guess busy weeks are anger management tests.

Feel like jioing ppl out for supper tonight; the work is infinite, but my energy isn't. I can't work all the time man. With a slack project group not doing anything, i feel like giving up too man.

Take heart.

Rubik's Cube

2007-06-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

This analogy's quite nice. Got it from some book, and will try to put it into my own words as accurately as possible.

In the world of Rubik's Cube, there are only 2 groups pf people: experts and those who CMI. Quite obvious which group you'll belong to:) Pass the square to somebody from the latter? Will take years to complete, and seems impossible to even so. No matter how much he or she twists and turns, the cube goes back to square 1, or may even end up in a bigger mess. Without help, that person usually ends up discouraged, and will most likely give up.

That is until an expert comes along. The pro of the Rubik cube. And what seems to others as a challenge, is merely a routine for the pro. Others struggle with it; the pro chills with it. He knows what he's doing; it's HIS territory.

We can't compete with God. It's His game. He'll own us totally. What seems like a problem to us is actually a process for Him. We twists and turn on our own? Not much progress. Hand the cube to Him? On the way to victory. We place ourselves in the hands of the pro who knows it all; every single step ahead; every twist and turn, all which brings us one step closer to a win. Best to surrender to Him, and the great news is that He's on our side. Not to 'compete' with us, but to help us through. To teach us which are the best moves, even if it involves painful turns that seem meaningless at times. But slowly we'll learn.

Time will understand the mystery of His plan.

And finally one day, He'll hand over the cube to us, for us to solve. Get stucked again? He's there ready to help.

Btw, there's an official Rubik Cube website. ;)

Never Gonna Be As Big As Jesus

2007-06-25T06:05:00.000-07:00

After 4 days at the World Economic Forum (WEF), all I can say is: time to read newspapers. :):) haha no la..man but after 4 intensive days of just being alert and surrounded by big shots, you can't help but be both amazed. This is one big test of who or what you place your identity in. And these 4 days has certainly taken a toll on my spiritual life, family and friends. Thank God it's just 4 days, and I must say it's been a wonderful experience.

Amazed; amazed at how smart people can become. The depth of their content, excellant language and spontaneous analysis..oh my. My first encounter with what BRILLIANCE really is. How can somebody become so smart?!?! Awesome man those folks. You can't help but feel dumb or insignificant sometimes hehe. And the CEO of Coca-Cola was like at least 2m high, super fierce yet charismatic.

I feel like digging up my old economics textbooks and magazines and kinda 'force' myself to be interested in business, politics and economics. I'm tempted to wanna BECOME like those dudes. i know i'm not made for that though; but for His glory and not mine! Why force youself to do something that you don't like? Just coz its...'GREAT'?! Wake up Lam. Haha maybe they're all I've ever wanted to be; smart, great speakers, confident, interesting, charismatic, super deep thinkers etc.

By saying that though, i know i'm magnifying them. I'm making them bigger than they actually are, when in reality, they too will live and die, have 2 hands and feet, family and friends and even the chance of salvation. Guess we do that alot; magnifying everything else on this earth, including our problems. But i know of course, only God deserves that. And he deserves to be magnified because we can never fathom how big is He. WE CAN NEVER 'OVER-MAGNIFY' GOD. Simply too big.

I skipped the celebration coz i was tired. Or maybe just my introverted side dominating. Yea I don't like big parties and stuff, except church ppl! Some ppl still can squeeze out the extro part of me, so i give thx for them:)

In case you get similar cases to mine above, remember this song! No one's gonna ever be as big as Jesus, and it's a comfort we're in the hands of da biggest.

Never Gonna Be As Big As Jesus by Audio Adrenaline

I could move to hollywood
Get my teeth capped I know I could
Be a big star on the silver screen
Just like james dean I could be a star
I could climb the corporate ladder
Buy, sell, and liquidate
Maybe be just like the beatles
Melodic, rocking heavyweights
I could learn to sing and dance
If I only had a chance
I could be a big rock star

I could be anything I wanted to
I wanted to
I could be anything but one things true
Never gonna be as big as jesus
Never gonna hold the world in my hand
Never gonna be as big as jesus
Never gonna build a promised land
But thats alright okay with me

I could build a tower to heaven
Get on top and touch the sky
I could write a million songs
All designed to glorify
I could be about as good
Good as any human could
But that wont get me by

I could be anything I wanted to
I wanted to
I could do anything but one things true
Never gonna be as big as jesus
Never gonna hold the world in my hand
Never gonna be as big as jesus
Never gonna build a promised land
But thats alright okay with me

Great song:) Ah still struggling with loneliness. Nvm Wee Teck my new best fren, coz he gets that too. HAHAHA.

Glory of His Plan

2007-06-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

Can someone exchange souls with me pls:) Okay what the crap was that. I just hate the position i'm in sometimes; my life and all. Struggling with a problem that's like not 'tangible'; sucks alot. I hate being affected so much by it, while to the rest of the world it's nothing. I so wanna go back to my childhood. But that's childish thinkin, so I shall grow up. I know i'm gonna be so amazed when i climb over this mountain.

Wait on the Lord. That's easy, especially when there's nothing else we can do. When there's no one else to turn to and no where we can escape to. When the pathway's destroyed and the signs are pointing to hopelessness. I think God wants more than that.

Wait on the Lord with joy. Now that's hard. I want to move on so bad. Really I want to move on so damn friggin badly, I'll do almost anything to get out of this. Stuck in this valley for so long, I will climb my ass up and over this stupid mountain and friggin get over it. I cry with all my heart; I WANT TO MOVE ON. But there seems no way out.

I'm so affected sometimes, but you don't even know. Heck; probably never even bothered you. But it's alright; God knows. In the meantime though, looks like i'll be the big time loser. And it's always my fault. Not anyone, not God, but mine. Ok the more I'm typing, the more my blood is boiling. Don't know why I'm angry. But this week was more of a weary one, though there were good slacking times, but the mind's a battlefield. I get owned in that. My emotions just run.

Hope this following true story encourages you. From 'Facing Your Giants' by Lucado.

Willem wanted to preach. By the age of 25, he'd experienced enough life to know he was made for ministry. He sold art, taught language, traded in books; he could make a living, but it wasn't a life. His life was in the church. His passion was with the people.

So his passion took him to the coalfields of southern Belgium. There in the spring of 1879, this Dutchman began to minister to the simple, hardworking miners of Borinage. Within weeks, his passion was tested. A mining disaster injured scores of villagers. Willem nursed the wounded and fed the hungry; even scraping the slag heaps to give his people fuel.

After the rubble was cleared and the dead were buried, the young preacher had earned a place in their hearts. The tiny church over-flowed with people hungry for his simple messages of love. Young Willem was doing what he'd always dreamed of doing.

But...

One day his superior came to visit. Willem's lifestyle shocked him. The young preacher wore an old soldier's coat. His trousers were cut from sacking, and he lived in a simple hut. Willem had given his salary to the people. The church official was unimpressed. "You look more pitiful than the people you came to teach," he said.

Willem asked if Jesus wouldn't have done the same. The older man would have none of it. This was not the proper appearance for a minister. He dismissed Willem from othe ministry. The young man was devastated. He only wanted to build a church. He only wanted to honor God. Why God wouldn't let him do His work?

Initially, he was hurt and angry. He lingered in the small village, not knowing where to turn. But one afternoon he noticed an old miner bending beneath an enormous weight of coal. Caught by the poignancy of the moment, Willem began to sketch the weary figure. His first attempt was crudem but then he tried again. He didn't know it, but at that very moment, Willem discovered his true calling.

Not the robe of clergy, but the frock of an artist.
Not the pulpit of a pastor, but the palette of a painter.
Not the ministry of words, but of images. The young man the leader would not accept became an artist the world could not resist:

Vincent Willem van Gogh

His "but God" became a "yet God".

Who's to say yours won't become the same?

Nobody Said It Was Easy

2007-06-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Lord take me back to the start...

I'm hanging on to You.

On the see-saw with Jesus!!

2007-05-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

This channel 8 show gave quite a good analogy. Life is like a see-saw. There'll always be ups and downs in life. Yet if there is no one at the other end, we'll always be down. If nobody comes to lift us up, than we'll remain there! Hmmm...quite right yet not complete...unless.....that someone is Jesus!!!!!

Imperfect people like us will fall once in a while. Not very good to depend on others. Jesus though, might purposely, put His legs there to let us stay on the bottom for a while, if u get what I mean. Legs straight up so that the other person can't get up. But if we wait on Him, He'll lift us up! And through the ups and downs, we know He's there! He's still at the end of the see-saw, even when it seems like He isn't!

At World Issues class today, we looked at genocides and wars. Teacher said some Christians became Atheist after the war, coz they wondered how can a God let that happen? I find it hard to accept too, that we can't have answers all the time. Even for something as atrocious as wars and genocides. I hope if I was one of those who got out, I'll thank God for bringing me through instead of asking why all that happened.

Kelwin's accident and how he responded really encouraged me to look at the good things. SO many times I let the bad stuff play over and over. But surely, good can always come out of our situations?

So if you're tired and weary, been at the bottom of the see-saw for a long time and just wanting to get off, asking for answers and getting none, let me encourage you that in due time, Jesus will lift you up to a new level and a new life and a new love for Him! Let's keep waiting on Him, even when the race seems unending and the storm never calms; we know He's the God of miracles and he can quiet the waves anytime; there must be a reason He dosen't do it just yet! In His time! Remember the see-saw! Jesus is there waiting to lift you up!

Bring Me Back To You

2007-05-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know who God is anymore. I'm so confused and angry and bitter, playing the blame game from the smallest thing like having an ulcer to bigger things like...whatever. Somewhere along the way, I began to lose my faith and trust in Him, and my image of our loving Father is now completely distorted. Jesus loves me this I know, but can I really believe it? I hope so.

I just blamed mother for not teaching me how to make friends since young, always coming home to study or tuition and always questioning about my whereabouts. I know that's so unfair to her, but sometimes I can't help but blame someone. I even try to blame myself; was I too quiet or whatever? I don't know..and ultimately, I end up blaming God. It's getting crazy; this blame game thingy. And I'm getting so discouraged with life.

I long to run back to God. But somehow when I think of all the bad things, I can't help but feel so bitter about it and throw a temper. I long to worship Him; I used to look forward to coming back home and just worshipping Him with a guitar. It used to be a luxury; it's now a chore. Quiet time? I usually end up more discouraged than ever; no answers or harsh ones, remembering painful memories and dreading those to come, not knowing if I'm asking for the right thing.

In the midst of all these, I realised I've become so self-centred. Everything is about me, my problems and I. So here's a practical step I'll take: If you, yes YOU who's reading this, have a prayer request, drop me a message; let me pray for you. Have a problem stuck in your mind and need a listening ear? Call me; I want to share your burden. Or maybe like me, you need a refreshed heart. Let's meet up to worship the Lord. Too busy to meet up? Drop me a mail; I want to know how you are doing.

Do it. You'll help me too, as I go through this process. I want to look out for the needs of others. I hope my busyness won't disappoint you though, coz I want to treasure all the friends I have right now. Of course, I will need your precious prayers too, for this blame game to stop and to be able to run back into His arms, with nothing hindering. Nothing on this earth is able to seperate me from His unfailing love.

We've been held by His everlasting love
Held with loving kindness by His hand
We have hope for the future yet to come
Time will understand the mystery of His plan

Newly Wed

2007-05-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

She's hot. She's pretty. The way she stares at you makes you drool. Everytime she speaks, your heart melts. Long awaited, yet worth the wait. Faithful as a friend, faithful as a servant. She's been there for me, ready to listen, ready to speak. And now...she's my wife.

Ok I sound like a Woodbridge escapee. But I just ZHNGED my guit!!! At last man! Whoo! Haha no worries I'm not crazy lar, juz that I tend to have this equation, guitar=wife, stuck in my mind. Man but God does teach me alot about finding a future mate through guitars. Its crazy, but its true:):) Best single la hor..LAMpost. HAHAHA.

Sorry for the previous emo post, but i reallyreally wanna thank you precious few who read my blog and encouraged me. Sometimes I still feel like crap, but the sun always rises to break the darkness. Thank you for being part of that light.

Dear God...

2007-05-15T05:28:00.000-07:00

I'm friggin pissed with You. Hate my life. Hate the way I was made. Hate everything that's happening now. No one will care to read this anyway, so I'll be brutally frank. I'm sick of life.

This valley is so deep
I can barely see the sun

Jesus Freak

2007-05-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

Can i change my name to that plssssssssssssssss???

Haha I wanna be a Jesus freak. Being a guitarfreak is hard. You gotta keep practising and keep the shredding goin on...that's tough man. Like just to keep this identity?!? For what? I've given that up long ago, just that never really said it. I wanna be a Jesus freak who plays guitar; not a guitarfreak who knows Jesus!

SO TODAY, 3RD MAY 2007, IS THE OFFICIAL DAY MY NAME'S CHANGE TO JESUS FREAK.

Eh but my email address still the same ah. Please. I don't know who jesusfreak02002@hotmail.com is. And don't be GEY KIANG like Uncle Mark Masilimoney from Aldersgate Methodist Church. Emailed this guy guitarfreak@hotmail.com. Turns out its some guy from Canada or something like that. Thank God that guy was nice too. Oops did i type 'too'. Hehehehe. Accidentally.

Just bought Marshall that Jesus Freak book. Hope I won't have to Fedex it to Tekong. And that He'll be a shining Jesus Freak in camp. Machine la..can't go wrong.

I hope you'll change your name to Jesus Freak too. Coz there's nothing else on earth worth identifying ourselves with. Jesus da real deal man. Go on. Change it.

I'm a loser...SO WHAT! He Lifts Me Up!

2007-04-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Straight after the previous post, the next morning, mother allowed me to be a SM. Another miracle. Normal lah..it's God what :)

I feel like giving up talking to Daddy sometimes because of his laupok-kai ears. Almost everything you tell him has to be repeated at least 2 times. I had a hard time in Vietnam man frankly. And worse still, I know my ears are starting to get bad too.

Than I think about God. It seems like He has a hearing problem too. Everything must be repeated a thousand times. And maybe...just maybe prayers will get answered. Don't even know if I'm praying for the right thing. Sooooo..it gets tiring praying sometimes. I have a bad habit of not saying grace sometimes too. KEVIN LAM. WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?!??

Than it reminded me. It's not about the answers, but the relationship. Even if Daddy cant hear at all, will I forsake and stop talking to him? And how much more, should I keep praying!

I ran today, but started late coz the sun refused to go down. So I decided to run half the distance in case I only reach home in time for supper. Since it was half the distance, i figured I could run double the speed. MAN. How wrong. Running dosen't work in proportions man. Halfway cui already.

Suddenly a thought flashed across (during the cui part):

Run the race like you're gonna win. Don't run like you're gonna die!!

I must say there's more joy in me right now, but the number of complaints and grumbling and maybe even bitterness is still on the rise. Somehow I always think I'm gonna be at the losing end of every situation. Sometimes I just feel like sprinting until I collapse and die. If there's a car coming, let it run me down, coz I'm tired of running the race. I'm the big fat loser anyway!!

Hey dude. Run like you have plans to be prosperous and a hopeful future. Run like you're victorious! If not you're accusing God of lying in Jer 29:11!

I know I'm victorious in Christ. And I don't have to behave like a loser, complaining and cursing and swearing. I should be rejoicing in the Lord. And of course, don't stop running. I didn't okay...

I just got the purpose driven devotional, and a nice reminder it was: that God meant everything for good.

AUDIO A ROX!!!

To live your life you got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown

GET DOWN HE LIFTS ME UP! (X DUNNO HOW MANY TIMES LA)

This valley is so deep
I can barely see the sun
I cry out for mercy Lord
AND HE LIFTS ME UP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HARLOW!

2007-04-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been a week since Vietnam, and man..I miss the slackness there already. Oh no greener grass again.

It's just the first week of school, and I had a panic/stress attack just now, when suddenly everything came again. After 2 months of slacking, it's no joke u know. I suddenly started to doubt if I heard God correctly when He asked me to be a SM (Spiritual Multiplier-like PCGL) in crusade. I mean many people were asking me to really think about it coz I think they know I always over-commit, and I really felt it was God caling me to it during crusade meta camp last year. And I myself wasnt even thinking of it, coz I knew I may not cope. I just wanted the slack worship ic thingy.

The verse that spoke was weird. It was something like 'if you dont do it now, you'll never get another chance. It'll be gone.' Oops..so did I answer the call out of fear? Coz i know after i graduate the chance would really be gone.

I thought a miracle happened when Mummy Lam agreed to let me be a SM. I thought that was God's confirmation. And i was so glad I said yes, even though I was so reluctant. But I felt God's call so strongly. But now as I look back and after all the disappointments in hearing God's voice, I really wonder if that was Him. Today I found out it was all miscom, and that she thought I meant 3 cell groups INCLUDING church. I think in the end I'm just trying to follow His ways and honour Him. Surely He won't punish me for that? Okay distorted image...

If He can use our mistakes and sins for good, how much more can He use our attempts to honour Him?

ANyway, I came back from Vietnam and went straight for youth, and they were having worship. And it was such a great feeling to come back to my spiritual family; one thing I took for granted. Thank God for church ppl.

Focus on your giants - you stumble

Focus on God - your giants will tumble

BYEBYE GOLIATH :)

ADIOS!

2007-04-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

It's weird.

I've been telling people how I've been refreshed and all; how it's been a good time here with God and everything. But I'll be back home tomorrow, and I must say that I sometimes I feel worse then when I came. I asked for healing, but it seems like there's more hurt. I asked for deliverance, but the thorn just grows bigger. I ask for answers; I hear none. I end up more discouraged; more angry. I'm lost. I feel disgusted with myself; for the big mistakes I made that caused pain I could have done without; all my selfish thoughts. Big regrets. And i'm scared of the year ahead. Will it be the same??

Somehow, Doctor God will do the surgery in His time. He knows exactly when we need an operation. Because to Him it's not about time, and this surgery is not only about healing. It's more than that. I know after the op, I'll be stronger than before. I'm so thankful for Romans 8:28, coz if all our mistakes can never be used for good, that'll be soso sad.

Thank God for second chances.

"Ocean Floor" by Audio Adrenaline

The mistakes I've made
That caused pain I could have done without
All my selfish thoughts
All my pride
The things I hide
You have forgot about

They're all behind you
They'll never find you
They're on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten
They're on the bottom
Of the ocean floor

Adios Audio Adrenaline.

Adios Vietnam! Will miss you. But I've got a new life to live back home :):)

On the brighter side, I've learnt so much!! Thank you all back home, for your prayers and everything. Really appreciate it. Generally, I've enjoyed my time here, and will definitely miss the slackness when school starts. Haha. Byebye.

And the sound of Your Name
Is a beautiful thing
I love You, I love You, I love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schindler's List

2007-04-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's all about bringing people to Heaven. Or rather, it's about saving people frm Hell.

I just watched Schindler's List. I think my life changed abit tonight. If you haven't heard about Oscar Schindler, go watch it man. A true story! Basically, it was during the brutal massacre of the Jews, and this brave soul was purely there to do business and gain from the war, starting a factory that made pots and pans, and later ammunitions. And he was a sinful man, gambling and drinking etc. He later made connections with the top generals of the Nazis, and later had permission to employ Jews for cheap labor. And his employees would actually be saved, because they were considered as essential workers or something like that. He had to 'buy' them though. At first, he just wanted to make money. But his heart began to change after witnessing the countless deaths in the camps. In the end, he saved 1100 people, till he was broke.

The mass murders were so horrifying. Extremly horrifying. There was this one part where a group of women and small girls had to go naked into what looked like a gas chamber. There were sprays hanging from the ceiling, ready to spurt out poisonous gases. And the lights suddenly went off, and all of them started screaming terribly. But miracles do happen, so watch the movie if you wanna know what happened to them. Harhar. Yup but the gas chambers did happen in real life, and it's such an awful thought. So were the incinerators and mass shootings. Just horrified man..don't think i can sleep already. It's 2.33am Singapore time right now!

Ok my england ain't PAUderful enough to express all this in words, but the scene that moved me was the last few mins when the war actually ended. Oscar had to flee to avoid being captured, since the Allies were in control by then. Before he left, all 1100 Jews were standing around him, bidding farewell. And I thought he would celebrate. I thought he would give some grand farewell speech. Wish them good luck. Maybe hug every one of them. Throw a farwell celebration.

But he wept.

He wept. He pointed to the car in front of him and said," This car could have saved 10 more." He took a badge made purely of gold on his jacket," This could have saved one more. One more!" He wept bitterly. "It could have saved one more!"

Immediately, Pastor Rick Warren came to mind. Haha his one more thingy. If Oscar did not waste away his money, he could have saved many more. From the gas chambers. From the incinerators. From the bullets.

Alrighty lessons i can learn!! Sounds Taupok-y. Hahaha. Go off to read other blogs if you're bored. This is for me to put down my thoughts, though I reallyreally hope it can bless you!! Yes YOU!! YOU who's reading this!! HAHAHA.

Oscar wasted money. So what have we been wasting? I guess I can relate that to TIME. And maybe the chances that we had to share the gospel. And at the end, I don't want to be weeping and saying I could have saved 10 more or 1 more. Because the horrors of hell are so real. If Man can devise such evil tortures, I wonder how much more horrifying hell is. And there's reallyreally no time to waste. It's urgent.

Lesson 2!! Oscar actually had a sidekick, Itzhak Stern, a Jewish accountant. Without him, Oscar wouldn't have probably saved anyone. He made the lists of thousands, pulled people out just before they were sent away to be executed, did all the accounts and everything. And I know that our God specialises in using sidekicks. We may not see how doing background work and being faithful in the small things can bring glory to His kingom, but we never know how He can use those small things to bring salvations and save souls. With the horrors of hell so close, it's not about bringing glory to ourselves or anything, but it's really about being part of His plan to save more from hell. There's no time to think about glory for ourselves really. Because that could cost 1 more. Maybe 10 more. Oh and in the end, of course, Itzhak himself was saved.

Lesson 3!! I've always wondered why on earth did I choose a business course. I'm just not cut for it. Always kena CORN. HA. jargong. And i've always asked God how would He be able to use this for His glory. This movie just answered it. It was business that brought Oscar to the Jews. The people he was going to save. It was business that brought Oscar to the people he was going to save. I know that many of us are asking why one earth are we where we are right now. Surely it dosen't seem like God can use JC life for His glory?!? All they teach is completely irrelevant!!! Everything seems so meaningless!! Oh yeah. You never know how God can use YOU for His glory. How you are fitting exactly into His plan. And how He may even use that to bring you to the souls you are going to save. So hang in there and wait for the GLORY OF HIS PLAN:):) Harhar.

Alright that's about it. It's 3.14 AM Spore time. I'm slow, but it's alright. Coz i'm on the way to saving souls. I hope i'll keep this movie in mind when my evangelism passion dies out. Coz it's not even about passion or spreading the gospel only when I feel like it. It's about saving souls. Just doing it. Just keep saving and saving, more from the horrors of hell. Clearly, Hitler and his soldiers represent the devil and his minions. And the day will come when the war is over. And we'll all be liberated. Schindler's List? The Book of Life. And I know my name is written on it. I'm saved from the horrors. I'm saved! I'm saved!!! Thank You Lord!!! Thank You!!!!

Jesus You are my Reward
To see Your face on that day
It's all I'm living for

Should We Even Ask?

2007-04-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

I just read tonight's Daily Bread devotion, about large asking resulting in large receiving. I think that struck something in me because right now, I seemed to have given up asking God for things. Sure I know He wants to give me His best and I know in the end His blessings will always be better than what I can imagine. And it's exactly because of that, I feel like giving up asking, since His ways are always better and He wants to give us what He wants for us rather than what we want. Does this mean that our own desires are always wrong? He said "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." Of course after all the arguments that it should be read in context and all that, it feels like our desires will always be wrong and...man..i think deep inside I went:" Yea right. That's crap..when will God ever give us what we want..."

Should I give up on that promise? Cause I think all of us went through that..we ask God for something and most of the time, we won't get it. Than He'll say it'll harm us in the long-term, and that it's for our own good, He's got better things for us...blahblah. OK. Fair enough. So ask for what??? Don't ask loh. Just do anything You want with us. Why ask us to ask You, when most of the time, You'll just give back a cruel NO??

Alright. I know there's still some anger and bitterness inside me towards God. Think alot of us are tired of asking. Looking at what I've just typed though, I've made God look like a slave-driver. But He just wants to be my friend. I know I treat Him like a servant too sometimes. I thought I was seeking Him; yet I'm actually DEMANDING from Him. This paragraph spoke to me:

God comes to us like this because He wants a relationship. But sometimes we only want results. He wants to talk. But we only want Him to fix things. It's not that He's against results or minds fixing things. He actually enjoys serving us. But He wants to be more than a servant. He wants to be a friend. Though I fear sometimes we want only a servant.

Think we sometimes come to a point where nothing really encourages us anymore. Not even the Word. Not even our families and friends. Not even God. Still let's ask for His will to be done in our lives. That's something safe we can still ask for i guess.

Pathetic-Ungrateful-Blur-Lam: BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

GOD: You just haven't seen the full story yet.

Anyway, today daddy and I had a world of a time with Google earth. He was utterly amazed. And that was enough to let us dream of a holiday to Hawaii. He said mummy would have to cater 1000 times first, b4 we get enough of this stupid thing called money. Despite all the horrors I got from Literature in lower sec, I decided to look at VENICE, and that's really one of the most beautiful places ever. I think that'll be one my honeymoon destinations, since my father said it's really romantic. HAHAHA. WAKE UP KEVIN LAM. Who would wanna go with you :( I think i just faster propose to Rudy lah, and we'll head to Venice before going to Africa to start churches. HAHAHA. It's 2 AM Singapore time, so i'm not thinking right man, and talking loads of rubbish.

Btw i'm still living in Singapore time, for several reasons. Firstly, the 'brightness' here is totally weird and still looking like Singapore's brightness. It's 6am and the sun's almost out!!! Secondly, I think i'm slow enough. If I still lag one more hour behind, that's it man. And i also wanna keep up with all of u back home of course.

Back to google earth. I started coz i saw Gab's blog. Some cool stuff I found: Goodluck Garden, AMC, Esplanade, Fairfield, Ho Chi Minh, The Vatican, Hoover Jam. HAHAHA. That was jam nice man. Seriously...3D somemore. :)

Playin with Google Earth reminds me of God's power again. How BIG He is man.

Soooo...should i stop asking God?

In My Own World

2007-04-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

WAU..hahaha. I just read this devotional thing that talked about childlike faith, and something strucked me. It briefly talks about how children are actually always in their own world and are actually lonely, yet it's a different kind of loneliness we adults..ok not so old yet..we older ones feel. There's a touch of wonder and amazement in the midst of it, and through it all, kids seemed to be contented that they are actually lonely, simply because they are already in wonder of whatever is going on in their own world. Whatever they may be dreaming about, but they are in awe and fully contented about it, with no worries about the outside world.

I don't think it refers to being anti-social, or introverted or even being blur. Hahaha. Sure Christianity is a family thingy, and we gotta be immersed in healthy fellowship. That's important. But what about the times when we feel lonely? What about the times when the world seems to abandon us, and everyone has got their own friends?

I figured that I should go back to the times when I was a little kid, and try to remember how I felt in times of loneliness. Times when I felt abandoned. And this is cool, but I don't remember any!! I don't think it was because I had a fan club surrounding me or something, but i think i don't remember simply because I DIDN'T CARE!!! SO WHAT!! So what if i was alone?!? I remember being always consumed in my own world thinking about..hmmm..at that time still animals, power rangers, magic school bus, dinosaurs, backstreet boys and westlife. No guitars yet. HAHAHA i greatly regret about the last 2 man. COAST to COAST. HAHAHA. YUKKKK.

And of course I wasn't that outcast, but when I played catching during recess and stuff like that, I know I enjoyed fully, without worrying who's my friend and who's not and when's the next project to hand in. Around friends I enjoyed their company. Around nobody, I enjoyed nobody's company.

As we grow older, we start to think too much. Or we're forced to think too much. But I wanna get back there. When I'm around my precious friends now, i wanna enjoy their company. And when I'm around nobody, i wanna enjoy God's company.

So child-like faith includes contentment and pure amazement of God, even when we're all alone. Amazement in the midst of loneliness.

Niiiiice.

Alone with God

2007-04-02T03:34:00.000-07:00

On Sat and Sun before Daddy came back, I went to town and walked around alone. It was relaxing and stressful at the same time; stressful coz I scared somebody eyeing my wallet and wanna kidnap me, and relaxing coz nobody knows who I am and because the people here don't judge like Singaporeans do.

On Sat night I walked around till there was nothing much left to do, and I thought to myself: What's one thing that I won't be able to do if Daddy was with me? ANS: To sit down and do nothing. So i went over to some colourful fountain and sat down there, in e midst of families and plenty of little kids, all running and playing. I had a hard time identifying which kid belonged to which parent, coz everyone was like one big family. And as I sat there I felt like a Vietnamese. Smiles greeted me. There were some long balloons given out, and the children were all using it to dip the water. Some played catching around this exhibition, both parents and children. It was wonderful. In Singapore, parents would probably feel paiseh and passer-bys would probably laugh. Oh i think they wouldn't even have time to go out with their children. And there wouldn't be free ballons coz that person must have calculated the cost and decided not to lose money. Money, money, money...I hate money. But I like some things that it can buy. So maybe I still like money. HAHA i dunno lah.

I must be thankful for my family though. When we were young, we used to play baseball in the garden downstairs every evening. We bought this red baseball bat and put slippers all around the field. Even mummy lam would play. And I would hit the ball so hard that Daddy would have to go pick it up for me. And we'll run round and round the field. I think those were the happiest days of my life so far. So next time I shall play baseball with my own wife and kids too. HAHA!! And with God above smiling...Glimpse of heaven man.

I spent my birthday in a blackout. All alone with Jesus and a guitar. The best birthday ever. Seriously.

Cycles

2007-04-02T03:17:00.000-07:00

I used to hate vicious cycles of the ups and downs in life. In my 'low' times, it gets so depressing and it looks like there's no hope ahead. In my happy times, everything looks good and hopeful, yet there's just that fear and the awaiting of the next Great Depression to arrive. SO in the end, life is either sad or just waiting for sadness. Of course there would be the BLANK times too. The NORMAL-LA periods. HAHAHA. Which is again usually followed by some depression.

God is that the life you want us to live? Were we created to be weeping and crying? Were we created just to go through problems, and vicious cycles?!

I've learnt though that each time we go through a cycle, it's not wasted. I know that each time God is either teaching me something new or He's refining some character flaw in me. So it's okay for cycles after all, because when God has finished up the work in us we'll move on to a new one. And there'll be a day when there'll be no cycles, but just worshipping Him. ROX. I can only imagine..haha actually that song like abit farnie..I thought we can't even imagine what it's gonna be like. So it should be 'I Cannot Imagine' rather than 'I Can Only Imagine'. HAHA. " I cannot imagine..what it'll be like..."

More Like You

2007-03-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

Deep inside i always felt that when God said 'My ways are not your ways and My thoughts not your thoughts', it was simply an excuse. Like whenever something bad happens, He'll juz say MY WAYS AIN'T YOUR WAYS, than we BO WEI GONG already; no need to argue, we can't say much. We're under His strict control. We can't argue. Coz His ways are not our ways.

Until I realised that it was there to comfort us. To assure us. To promise us that He's got some ultra cool plan awaiting us. That He's fully fully in control, and that He truly wants the best for us.

And for that, I should ask all 1000 factory workers right here to stone me. But i shall forgive myself since it's my big day. And i know that's what God's grace is about.

I know Your ways are higher!!!
I know Your love is greater!!!
Show me Your ways I wanna be!!!
More like You!!!
Make me more like You!!!

A Child Was Born

2007-03-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

I forgot I was 19. HAHAHAHA.

Happy Birthday to you Kevin Lam! The angels are singing! For you! I created you for greatness on this earth; nvm what they think; great just in my eyes and not theirs. I made you fearfully and wonderfully! I'm pleased with these 19 years you've lived; can't wait to see you in heaven! Enjoy your time there first though; u haven't seen the great future that's ahead. Love you.

Jesus

PS: Don't bring anything along ok? Everything will be provided :) Just bring along as many people as you can okie!!

Celebrate Surrender

2007-03-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

When did the world start teaching us that surrendering was actually a sad thing? Maybe after the wars and stuff, when surrendering means giving up control, power, authority, PRIDE, riches: whatever that the world chases after. It sounds so...sad to surrender, and makes it so difficult to do. Maybe coz the world taught us to dwell on what we're gonna lose when we surrender, askin us to hold on so tightly, and not trusting in the other party.

But when God says surrender, what does He really mean?

Lord when it seems You want total control, what You really want for me is freedom. When i lose power and authority, Your power is then made perfect. When You take away something, You're just waiting to give back something better. You caused me to be broken, so that You can build me up again, into the person You made me to be. When we give up, You give back.

So God's surrender = Freedom, joy, abundant blessings, greater love, strength, hope, peace, patience, healing, faith..and whatever thats from Him...Indescribable.

Now isn't that worth celebrating?

To know the lasting joy,
Even sharing in Your pain

A Day of Chillin

2007-03-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

The raisins here are huge: Left is my pinky, middle is typical Sun-maid raisin, and right is Vietnam's jam big raisin. OK LAH I WAS TOO BORED MAN...

We went out on Sunday and Daddy said this was their 'Chinatown'. But looks more like hardware town coz everywhere was juz metal parts:

This guy seems to be a barney fan or somethin. Nice colour choice man..HAHAHA.

Zhnged his bike...

Zhnged his..dunno wad type of vehicle man...

After that we went to some pretty cafe to chill:

This is how they serve coffee here if u go to the higher class places. Its takes years for the coffee to drip through that metal thingy. And its super thick..KOPI GAO man..

I got something to say about this. This fridge speaks a million words of God's abundance and faithfulness in our lives. Everytime we come back from grocery shopping, i'll have a super duper hard time squeezin everything inside. Think i'm gettin good at it alr hahaha. Amazing God...indescribable.

Another sign of His faithfulness is actually the customers we get. Through all these years, the customers just get bigger and bigger, and the cashflow has been running rather smoothly ever since. Great is Your faithfulness!!!!

I came here for attachment, but my real reason was sort of a retreat with God. And it was so zun coz Daddy went to US today and super heng that i'm here to help so that can get some money from the customers first..haha. Plus so many other things that i forgot..so yay..i killed many birds with one holiday:)

I'M GIVIN IT ALL TO YOU!!!

Hard of Hearing

2007-03-24T01:35:00.000-07:00

Ok after problem of talking still got problem of hearing. I think like my physical ears, my spiritual ears has been exposed to too much 'loud' voices until it became abit damaged. It's so hard to hear the correct voice.

I've been having sleepless nights till now, and there was one particular night where i thought i heard God speaking so clearly. It reallyreally sounded like Him. It really did. Than when something happens next and it totally contradicts what i thought He just spoke, it sucks man. Feels like i got con by the Holy Spirit. I mean, why didn't He stop that voice? If it really was my own or Satan's, they surely can imitate God's voice well! And i mean really really well!! Or maybe it really was God, just that my own thoughts or Satan came to pervert and manipulate them according to my selfish desires?I dunno..up to now i still don't. And i'm scared coz what if all along i've been listening to the devil? I'm surely on my way to hell man.

But i know that Lord is mighty to save and He leads us in the way everlasting. His arm is not to short to save and He guides us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways i will acknowledge Him and He will make my paths straight. Trust Him for who He is and not what He can do. Trusting His heart. Thx for that bud.

Maybe that was a hard lesson for me. It gave me hope though, and I must say that hope is painful. Well false hope of course. Hope that is risky. I guess we should only hope in Him. He's the Rock of Ages.

...

2007-03-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

Am i so hard to talk to? I try my best to just talk, but seems like i'm just too boring or something. Or I may even offend people. I'll just shut up then. It seems like even God has abandoned and kept His mouth shut.

I know He hasnt though. Coz there's none like Him. Sorry God. My mum rocks too.

Thank You

2007-03-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

It's becoming a norm to go to a less developed country and talk about how we take for granted so many things and become more thankful, so i shall say WHAT i've been thankful for since i came over:

Family: I skyped with deblam and mummy lam somewhere around last week, and it's so cool coz they started quarelling. HAHAHAHA. i was smiling away. But even as i heard them quarrel, i gave thanks for this family that is so special, even the times of quarrelling. No one quarrels like the Lams, and no one talks like the Lams too. We rock man. I got a better understanding of how the Lord delights in us no matter what we're doing. Cool. And of course, for father lam too, who works his backside off over here.

Friends: Not many close ones, but the precious few have been huge blessings in my life, and I really appreciate you all coz I didn't know the true meaning of Christian fellowship till you guys came into my life. From mentor to buddy, young to old, boy to girl...ok boy and girl rather; there shouldn't be anyone in between; THANK YOU ALL.

My Wife: OK LA my guitar i mean. I miss electric man, and i can't wait to go home and start rockin for God, all alone in my room; doors locked. But I have to zhng her first, and I will coz it's time I stopped borrowing other people's wives. But it's still nice to play classical over here!

Electricity: The power here would be frequently cut, and we'll have to flee to town when we're notified beforehand. If there's a sudden blackout, it becomes pitch dark, and i realised that i even forgot some things ran on power; like i'll still try to on the lights or somethin.

Fruits: Without these, i'll be dead meat. Literally, just one piece of meat filled with meat coz meat is all i ever eat. That is, until fruits came in to my life. The mangoes here rock i gotta say, and fruits are so cheap.

Singing: Wow I never expected this one, but i realised how much i sing at home even though it isnt quite pleasant sounding, but it's for God so I don't really care. Over here, the China people can hear quite clearly coz we're under the same roof, so the only time i can really sing out loud is actually in the toilet. And it rocks. I bring in the air guitar; got special water effects somemore; and the worship concert starts. hahah k lah lame, but God dosen't think so :)

GOD: What if there was no God? I can only imagine, but i don't want. I'd rather imagine what heaven would be like. No more pain. That's nice.

Images of God

2007-03-23T01:45:00.000-07:00

What's your image of God? We often limit who God is to our image of Him. It's so easy to see His goodness and mercy during the good times. I have to admit that during the lousier times, my image of the Lord is completely distorted. Deep inside harbours the bitterness and resentment of why things have to happen, and why He seems to be sleeping in the storm even when He can control it. He seems cruel. He seems sadistic. He seems to want tight control on every area of our lives, and critically judge any mistakes we make. He wants us to be perfect and not make any mistake, coz if we do, we'll be doomed for life and that He'll just leave us there, not bringing us back to His path for our lives. And worst of all, I forgot that He loves me.

Thankfully God is not who He is depending on how we feel. Even in the good times when we feel so happy and loved, He's even more than that. And the best part is that He knows how we feel, yet there's nothing we can do or feel to change His love. We've heard this a thousand times, but i think only 1% really gets to us.

Got this analogy from a book:
Remember when Jesus was asleep during the storm? Everyone was scared to death and were all trying to help to keep the ship afloat. Yet someone was missing. Jesus was missing. And He was SLEEPING. It seemed totally ABSURD. How could He be sleeping when the rest of the ship were on the brink of death?!? He seemed so cruel and...far.

Or is He? Does it merely show that He was totally in control? What scares us humans does not even touch Him. A rocking ship on the verge of sinking is a gentle cradle for Him. And He's TOTALLY IN CHARGE, even of the storms in our life.

For those having dark times, it's still a fact that we need the Lord. He's the only one we can trust, and without Him we can't survive. And thankfully the One whom we need is a good God, good all the time even when it dosen't feel like it. Blessed be His name, when He GIVES AND TAKES AWAY!!! It's all for His glory!!

Question your image of God and let Him show you His goodness, and we'll find comfort knowing that our God is such a loving Father. That we can always face tomorrow one more time, no matter what situation we are in. God bless.

Every time I hear Your voice
Every time I feel Your touch
Let me know that I can face tomorrow
As You walk me through my pain and sorrow
Let me know that I can face tomorrow one more time

My Vietnam Home

2007-03-20T03:12:00.000-07:00

The office

The house we livin in

Where we're cooped up everyday

Their own "Giant". It's really a giant compared to Singapore's, and the things are much better! Surprise!

Handsome right?

Vietnam Kid..OK i was bored..

I Will Live to Love You

2007-03-20T00:58:00.000-07:00

We sort of chose our classes for next year today. I chose marketing and international business. And i was quite happy coz the places were snapped up in ONE MIN. Thank God man. BUT THEN i asked around and i found out that a big grp from my old class, most whom i'm closer to, chose some other thing. WHAM. Just reminded me of how 'out' i was, even with my so called closer grp. Reminded me of the loneliness in school. And its gonna be weird to see them in school, coz i'll feel like a JUDAS. Feels like i PANG SEH them man. Argh but i didnt know wad.

OK. TIME TO CHANGE GLASSES. NOW LOOKING FROM GOD'S EYES:

It's a new chance to reach out to new ppl man!! Whoo!! Sometimes He juz turns sadness into excitement. A new mission. New salvations. I'm ready. I'm been slackin in my old project group; now it's time i be more proactive!And hardworking..AH. New group to lead in crusade. Wow tough year ahead.

Life's unfair yea. OH RIGHT SATAN; but didn't He say HE'S FOR US? Who can be against us? Not you. Coz You're still God's servant. Even if you don't like it. HARHAR.

That's it man. God's FOR US. He's for us and wants the best FOR US. And we were made FOR HIM. Not made to make this world happy or even satan happy. And God knows what He's doing in our lives.

Actually in the end, whatever happens dosen't really matter. Since we're just living to love Him. Since we're just living to praise Him. Nothing else matters. Throw whatever you want at me Satan. No...satan. You don't deserve a capital letter. HARHARHAR. God is FOR ME. And till I see Him face to face and grace amazing takes me home, I'll trust in Him. I'll be faithful to my Lord.

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

Life's Not Fair; God is

2007-03-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

David snatched Bathsheba away from her husband, and sent him to the battlfield to be killed. Yet God blessed David so abundantly. "God are You out of Your mind? What You doing down here??" Jacob snatched away his brother's birthright and totally con his dad, yet God blessed him abundantly.

Ok maybe i got my Bible stories wrong, but even then, some things in the world today seem totally unfair. Some people just seem to have it all. Innocent people are dying. And it's unfair why my dad has to go through the sianess when he's alone here, while some just strike lottery and shake leg at home. And most selfishly, i see what others have and complain about what i lack.

A guy goes back to his home country after a few years, and his family is waiting for him at the airport. He misses them so much and can't wait to give them a big hug. So he walks along, eagerly looking out for his family. And finally; he sees them!! He runs toward them, ready to embrace his wife and his kids. His wife gave him a BIG hug. Then he turned to his kids. They were rummaging through his luggage. " Daddy, Daddy! What did you buy for us?" He tested them and said," I got an entire set of Power Rangers for Tom and...a powerpuff girl for Jerry." Jerry was jealous, and they began fighting.

In the car, Dad said," Boys you know how much I love you both. I was so eager to see you and give u a hug and tell you how much i missed and love you. But the first thing you did was to find out WHAT I COULD GIVE YOU. And you guys didn't even say THANK YOU. What i wanted was your love! But you came to find me because of the gifts i could give you and not because you really love me."

The boys cried. What did the Father do? Nothing. He just continued loving them.

Maybe I've failed to realise that we already have the best reward of all, and that is Jesus Himself. And this reward is opened and availible to everyone. Now that's fairness. Maybe I really haven't been living for Him after all. I've forgotten that IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM. Maybe I've always been seeking Him because of what He can give me, and not because I love Him.

But what does our Father do? He just continues lovin us.

Jesus You are my Reward
To hear Your voice on that day
It's all I'm living for
Jesus You are my Reward
To see Your face on that day
It's all I'm living for

Life's unfair? Think again.

Take Heart

2007-03-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

2 Cor 12:8 " Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me."

Three times Paul asked God to remove a mysterious thorn in his flesh. Whatever the affliction, Paul stresses that God has declined to remove the thorn-despite all his prayers for relief-in order to teach him a lesson about humility, grace and dependence. I guess i forgot all about character building when i came over, and kept asking for the thorn to be removed.

v10: That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I'll walk through the fire if You want me to.

I don't mind if you laugh
And call me a loser
Coz He's all I need

The World Hates Us

2007-03-16T00:21:00.000-07:00

That's something we gotta live with. And Satan is building up his army. I see comments on YouTube that are so against Christianity. Comments that are so negative and always trying to attack us. Than i see the comments about the the heavy metal stuff (ok i confessed alr), and everyone seems to have nothing against it. They like evil. And they want to be evil. So much hatred against Christians. I read of the genocide against Armenian Christians. I hear good Christians getting martyed. Just like what a great buddy said, this world is indeed getting more corrupted. It's getting darker. And it's starting to pull some of us over. There's even hatred between Christians. Over petty things. Satan's gotta be smiling at that.

So what can we do when the world's getting darker? What can we do when everyone is lost, and blinded by evil?

We just have the opportunity to shine brighter.

So what if Satan is building his army? God has His own too. Even though He dosen't really need one. Coz He'll woop them all out with His pinky. One strand of His hair will send them fleein. Satan is UNDER OUR FEET.

Haha that day i was on the way back from town and we were squeezed into a van. In my mind i tried to hold back the grumblings, but it was simply too hot and stuffy and squeezy. Then, suddenly for some reason, i imagined that the van was sending me to some shooting ground to be executed (think Sook Ching Massacre).

If it really was a trip to death, would I continue to complain and grumble and dwell in the sadness that I was going to die? Or would I use up every last minute of my life to share the gospel with them and proclaim that we were truly going to live eternally?

I hope I'll choose the second one. Coz i knew Jesus did. Even on the cross, He brought along a sinner with Him to eternal life. And even on the cross, there was hatred by the other guy. He must be burning real bad now.

I love Africa. HAHA. I've got a heart for the people there, and someday, Rudy and I, and our wives and kids will be there, sharing the gospel. HAHAHAHA.

Jesus You are my Reward
To see Your face on that day
It's all I'm living for

Enjoyin the Main Course?

2007-03-15T04:16:00.000-07:00

There are some days where we all wake up with a terrible dread looming over us. Everything that's ahead just seems so..dull. Absolutely nothing to look forward to except lessons, homework, scoldings, nightmares coming true etc. Sometimes we'd just wished we could go straight to heaven without going through earth. But then, I don't think God created us to be on earth to dread every single day. There's MORE TO LIFE. Let's enjoy the main course anyway, before we head for the dessert.

A man visited a restaurent because he heard about the wonderful dessert that this world renowned chef makes. So he heads down happily to the restaurent, eagerly wanting to try the dessert even before having the main course. So he orders just that. However, the waiter told him that it would be better if he ordered this particular special main course that went with it. He claimed that the dessert would taste so much better after tasting the main dish. It complemented each other. The dessert could be so much more enjoyable, although it would still be delicious when eaten just by itself.

The main dish, though, needed an acquired taste in order to be enjoyed. People had to 'find' the sweetness and joy in tasting it. They had to 'find' the goodness in it and not dwell on the awful taste, and those who are able to would find it extremly rewarding.

The man was extremly reluctant. But in the end, he recognised that it was the same chef after all. It was the same chef who created both the main dish and the dessert. If his dessert was so good, the main dish surely should be quite delicious too; of course only if he follows the 'instructions' of the chef when eating it. He therefore decided to trust the chef and order both. It was heavenly.

Father, I want to appreciate my time on earth right now, because i know that it is preparing me for a wonderful time in heaven. I know that our lives down here are not wasted and that we are not living for the sake of it. I know that You are just preparing us for a greater time in heaven, where we will see You face to face. I know that if i follow your guide, the Living Word, to live on this earth, I will be filled with peace and joy. I will be filled with the fruits of the Spirit. And I would enjoy my stay here on earth. And we look forward to the day when we meet You. The day You will say to us,"Well done good and fathful servants!" We celebrate our time here, and look forward to a bigger one up there. See you soon Father.
In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

Fill me up,
Coz all I really want is more of You

Day Of Defeat

2007-03-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hands-up. I surrender. Crap i sort of lost the mind-battle to Satan today. Nvm just for today; my God has set me free and victorious.

Firstly, confession. I sort of went back to the heavy metal abit on youtube. I wanted to just see how pro the new guitar talent Alexi Laiho was. Shucks why do all the best and my fav players play heavy metal?!? Ok i guess its not that; i guess i still love rock music. But God gently brought me out of it, and He still is. I guess rock music's got a new meaning in my life now..i'm rockin for Jesus man:) No one, i repeat, no one has seen me rockin out in my room when the doors are locked and i'm just playin for Him. Pure rockin worship. Haha headbangin worship...ok shan't go on.

After that I felt so empty again. I lost focus, and than i started thinkin bout life again. I went back to the lies of how sad my life is. I feel that I've been practically a loner my whole life, living in my own world. I regretted not building true friendships. I still can't love myself; my personality and the fact that I find it so hard to express myself. I guess thats why it's so hard for me to get out of depression. Basically, I feel I've got no life man.

Kevin Lam. It's time to snap back. That's the old childish you. Say byebye.

Byebye. HAHA. I say i've got no life. But in the first place, what's life? My life is Jesus, and i need nothin else. He's all i need. Only He can satisfy. When it's meaningless, meaningless, meaningless...everything under the sun becoming meaningless; Jesus brought purpose into my life.

I know that this is quite bad, but frankly speaking, I don't want to do what my dad is doing right now. It's so depressing man. He's all alone here when we're in Singapore; the rest are all China people. The office everything just looks depressing; no decoration whatsoever except for a world map and some lizards. On weekends, he goes to town and there's nothin much to do. And the worse thing? CAN'T GO TO CHURCH. He can hardly join his pcg in Singapore.

I'm amazed sometimes, at how he can tahan it. I always asks him that. I always ask what drives him. He says it's us. MAN. A glimpse of our heavenly Father's love? Just look at your earthly one.

Still, I won't want to be in a job that I dread everyday. I don't want to do something because I have to. Becaused I'm forced to. I wanna do somethin that is meaningful. That glorifies His name.

Few months back I saw a video of Sonicflood on youtube (again?!?), and it showed them in some developing country, doing missions. In the day, they were doing normal mission work, helping out the poor and stuff. At night? BANG. WOW. They do their shows and concerts, all worshipping together as one. Haha i just dunno how to express, but in my mind I went," That's it man. That's my dream." Haha my dream future name card would be somethin like this:

Company of the Holy Spirit

Kevin Lam Jian Ming

Servant of God/Lead guitarist

We specialise in savings souls and bringing good music to them.

Address: Blk 77 Heaven Road

(ER...) Goodluck Garden...HAHAHA

Alright i'll stop this lameness. Haha i guess in e end, God may not give me that. He'll just give something better. And even more meaningful. Not what I want, but what He wants for me. Maybe helping those who are in depression? i dunno..i really wanna help them too. And i guess i'll start by lookin out. Yup but no one can fathom His ways. Afterall, who has ever been spot-on in predicting His ways?

Yup as of now, thats what i would like on my name card. What about you?

Be the fire in my heart

Be the wind in these sails

Be the reason that I live

Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, be the centre

Be my source, be my light, Jesus

Jesus, be the centre

Be my hope, be my song, Jesus

Glimpses of Vietnam

2007-03-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

What can i say? The Wonder-Bikers

The factory

Just outside the factory

This guy quite sad. Whole day eatin..

Typical road side stall

Bike infested road

Their very own Macs

Some band at some restaurent

Vietnam Kid

Vietnam Kids

HAHA no la..this 2 can find in Singapore...

Contented?

2007-03-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm typin this at 6am exactly, Singapore time. That means 5 am downhere!! Lately i'll get up in the night and not get back to sleep, and this time i went back to my typical severe bouts of comparison (which usually leads to depression) and i just felt like putting down what God showed me.

Heckscher-Ohlin model (Factor-endowment theory):
Relative endowments of the factors of production (land, labor, and capital) determine a country's comparative advantage.
A country where capital and land are abundant but labor is scarce will have comparative advantage in goods that require lots of capital and land, but little labor.

Haha basically it means countries would usually have an advantage over certain industries depnding on what resources they are naturally blessed with. China certainly has an advantage in labour-intensive industries coz of their massive population right? Hence, in utopia, every country should concentrate and focus on what it already has and build up its comparative advantage so that in the end, all countries would benefit from each other since all would specialise in one product.

But when countries start to yearn for what other countries have, evil desires follow. Envy. Jealousy. Anger and bitterness. Wars erupt. Countries fight over resources, arguing what belongs to who. Who suffers in the end? Both. And usually the rest of the world. Because countries are interdependent. They need each other. They affect each other. Like family.

I wonder what the world would be like if each country focused on building up their comparative advantage from the start. Instead of fighting over resources, the same effort and time could have been used for building up their own industries. And the true beauty comes when, in the long run, industries prosper and economies grow. Nations trade and all will benefit. Free trade agreements appear and taxes are lowered. Countries grow together in unity.

If only all would visualise on what they would become and focus on working towards that rather than dwell on their shortcomings or lack of resources.

As i was typing this, painful thoughts shot back. 2006 was certainly one of the most difficult years for myself, and if there was one thing i came to Vietnam for, its healing. And its hard to share it with people. There were times of tears in the night, when no one knew; no one but the Lord. Looking at the lives of others and the blessings they get, i always lose focus and let the devil get a foothold. I see what people get but i don't, not only in terms of talents, but rewards and blessings too. And i start to question God. But that was what Job did, until God answered Him till He CUI. Totally. God sees things differently.

It's time to focus and be faithful in what you already have, Kevin Lam. Even when's there's pain in seeing others get what u want, the beauty of the future He has in store for you is far greater than anything right now. No eye has seen, no ear has heard. Be contented with what you got now!

I'M MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR YOU. Just trust me.

I will Lord.

Alright won't get too emo. HAHA anti-climax. Yup but i'll go back to Singapore a fresh person. Coz He heals the broken-hearted and gives them new life. I AM FREE.

It's still the same song.

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

Happier post shld be comin up next! Pictures!!! Of wonder-bikes...HAHAHA

God bless you.

Wonder-bikes

2007-03-09T23:22:00.000-08:00

We went downtown today, and i sat in front of the van for the first time. I think there where chest pains once in a while. It was like a roller coaster man. The driver..he's the MAN..I'm gonna drive liddat man..haha i think if he drives in Singapore, the traffic police also give up on him.

I think over here in Vietnam, the HORN serves another purpose. Its not to warn people of dangers, as driving theory book says; its not for drivers to scold others, as Singaporeans usually do.

It's a GREETING.

Almost every single bike that's in front of us will get this wonderful greeting. And it's given in generous amounts. But it's a one way greeting for some reason. Once in a while though, these huge trucks will give a bigger one; those that horn-already-fly-backwards-ah. I think they seriously ZHNG-ED their horns man.

Than there are those who fully utilise their bike in ways u can't imagine. No idea how they balance. They are PROS man. Seriously. Some will have entire families on it. Some have their MAMA shop on it. Some have mountains of barang on it, till it covers even their faces. Its like a windscreen you know, just that it ain't transparent. I wonder how they see. Some have sort of super long poles of metal or sugar cane thingy on it. HA i think everytime they turn they have to check blindspot 10 times, if not those things would just whack quite a few heads in one turn.

And today, one of these long-pole guys dashed across this small junction. This caused the bike in front of us to jam brake. Unfortunately, our van must have suffered quite a bit and wasn't so responsive. And we couldn't stop on time. And we managed to give a nice little KISS to the backside of the bike in front. HAHA. That guy got a nice little shock man. But i think its normal for them la.

Need your prayers for the killer roads here! God's faithful so far, and will always be. Weekends are here, and we'll most prob go out. I'll see if i can take pics of these wonder-bikes, and it'll open you to a whole new world of what a motorcycle can do. Maybe i exaggerated abit lar, but..they still rock man i tell ya.

I hope youth alpha went well, and hope to hear from anyone soon! Pray that some will be saved today! Hallelujah :)

When Love Isn't Reciprocated

2007-03-09T05:42:00.000-08:00

It's painful. It hurts so bad. You'd wished it never happened. You'd wished it's just a dream. Nah i'm not just talkin bout romantic love or whatever, though i think that'll hurt even more, but also friendship and brothers and sisters that kinda love. And its worse if that love is transferred to something else or someone else. It's heart wrenching:(

I wonder how God feels when we do that to Him. His love for us is soooooo much more, and i think it hurts soooooo much more too. When He said that He's a jealous God, He's not being petty or sadistic or whatever man; He's just lovin us:) But when we don't keep Him as our first love, He continues to love us unconditionally. Can you imagine how tiring that is for us humans? When someone hurts you time and again, and to try and love that person still...MAN..i think it'll wear out after a while. But He is God. His love is unfailing; everlasting.

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

My Hope and Healer

2007-03-09T00:21:00.000-08:00

Thank You Max Lucado for this story. Thank You God for Max Lucado. Hehe i zhng abit though..

Typical ship-lost-at sea setting. It's pitch dark, and a crazy storm is threatening to smash the ship to pieces. It feels like it can't hold on anymore. It has suffered damages from the waves before; waves that caused many deep wounds; damages that seemed impossible to be repaired. Waves that have hurt the ship so badly. Yet it looks like there are many more ahead. And it seems like there's no way out.

Yet in the midst of it there's hope. The sailors see a shining light ahead. A faint light which is their only hope. It is the one and only way left. There's no other way for them out of it except this light. There are ships passing by once in a while, but they too, are struggling in the storm.

The sailors are determined to reach the coast. And they fix their sights on that small flicker of light. Their only hope. They don't focus on other ships. They certainly don't fix their eyes on the waves. They focus on that small light and move in that direction. They ride through the waves. Waves that have already hurt the ship: it simply has to move on. The sailors call for help, and fortunately, a helicopter comes along. It guides the ship to shore. And the sailors, though now with the help of the helicopter, still has to persevere and continue to focus on the LIGHT.

Finally it reaches. And there, the ship is repaired. It finds healing. The wounds are filled and fuel is replenished. There is restoration. And the ship is now better equipped to face these storms in future. It becomes stronger. And not only that; the ship is now better equipped to help other ships in future. It knows what its like. It understands what it's like. And it can help them to focus back on the LIGHT. It can turn them back to the one and only hope. It can teach the rest to call for help if they don't know how to.

Lord send Your Holy Spirit to bring comfort and help to those who are hurting. Bring them back to You. Turn their eyes unto You. Help them not to dwell on the hurts and wounds of the past and even those that are ahead, but help them to look upon Your face, our LIGHT and SALVATION. Bring healing and restoration Lord; You are our Healer. Help us to look ahead and move on into the wonderful hope and future in store. You are our Hiding Place. You are our Strong Tower.

Strong Tower by Newsboys

strong and mighty
strong to save us
like a fortress never failing
strong in battle
strong in kindness
when we stray, Lord
You're strong to find us

when the winds come hard against us
You are steadfast, You are true
when the ground beneath us trembles
Your foundation never moves

CHORUS
strong tower
high and glorious
strong tower mighty in love
our refuge our defender
strong tower Lord above

strong to lead us
through the shadows
strong to carry all our sorrows

when the enemy surrounds us
closing in as darkness falls
though his armies rage against us they can never scale these walls

- CHORUS -

BRIDGE
You are my shelter, my shield
You are the home I could never deserve
here I will serve, ever under Your gaze
here I will serve, ever singing Your praise

I need back my cd from Don. Its been more than year..HAHA.

God bless. May you find hope and healing in Him.

When God Writes Your Life Story

2007-03-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Imagine a pen a paper. Whatever is written on e paper usin that pen would determine your life.

God has actually finished writing down our stories even before the earth was created (wah quite zai ah..so many leh). He wrote down the trials, temptations, good times, bad times, times of joy and times of weeping. And all these stories had one common ending: Heaven. And He's pleased with all the essays He's written. He sees the happy ending and sees it in a different way than we do. And they were all planned perfectly to prepare us for our final happy destination.

Lord, I'm sorry for the times i've tried to snatch that pen away from You. I know that I've only seen part of the story. Sorry for the times that i've tried to write my own endings, and not trust that You already have a better one in store for me. Help me to see that sometimes the pain is worth the gain, and to not dwell in it but to look at the wonderful hope and future that You have written. It cannot compare to what You have in store. I surrender all to You. I'll trust in You. When all is said and done, and everyone is gone, Lord You're really all I want.

What happens when we make stupid mistakes? Hehe...there's still the eraser :) Brand of it is GRACE. And it's extremly durable. Infinitely i should say. Buy one get 10 million free.

When God writes your love story? Indescribable.

Indescribable, Uncontainable
You've seen the depths of my heart
And You love me the same
You are amazing God

Ramblings from Vietnam

2007-03-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

Wow those posts were a year ago man, and I realise how dumb i sound..haha kiddin..yup those were for a computer module i did in year..1?haha and after one yr or so, i decided i shld come back here and not waste my precious creation: A BLOG.

I knew that when i came over to Vietnam, it would be a great, refreshing time with God, coz everythin's slower and stuff. I also knew that not everyday would be a nice one, and the problems and sian-days would soon pop up. But i didnt know it would be that quick.

Its been a week alr, and from the start I felt a little lost and useless, coz everyone here's so super busy and they don't really have time to teach me this and that. I try to helpout my dad here and there, but for some reason being the blur person i am, he could have done all e work by himself in a quarter of the time i take to just UNDERSTAND. Not even fully; maybe about half? Yup so sometimes i feel so bad coz he's got enough problems to handle, and here i am botherin him. But i guess slowly i learnt how to SLACK; can u believe it, its so boring sometimes i gotta learn how to slack, and slack online, but i got a big problem with lookin at computer screens the whole day, so i think by the time i get back to Singapore, my panda eyes would require some kinda make-up. Yup guess i'm still adjusting to it, but the next thing cant really get used to..writing the dumb REPORT.

I feel so sad for those who got posted to companies who would just ask them to tear paper, sweep the floor, all the sai-gang etc. WHAT THE CRAP ARE THEY GONNA WRITE IN THE REPORT MAN?!? I feel that poly does stupid things sometimes, but i myself aint smart either, so who am i to judge? Just opinions... Since i came over, this was one piece of crap buggin me all e time, like what to write for the report and stuff. Maybe this caused me to start with the mentality of wanting to learn and do only what would help in my report, and not learn actively and be motivated because i should. So when i have i nothin to do, i start worrying..and sometimes i feel so dumb and childish..why get upset over a small thing??? This piece of crap would be nothin when i see my Saviour man :)

This makes me wonder sometimes if it is really my fault if I don't like business and when i'm not motivated to learn at all. I mean if I have an internship with Hillsongs or Planetshakers you think i wouldn't wanna learn? To be on the safe side, i figured out some attitude problems today:
1) LAZINESS; true laziness, at its purest
2) as i said, doing everything that would only benefit the report and ignoring the rest
3) don't-like-than-don't-learn attitude

The last one makes me wonder bout my future job man..coz i don't seem to like anything at all, except the guitar stuff and full-time ministry?!? Maybe the Ferraris and Lambos?!? How worldly i still am...Yup so the future looks bleak, but maybe i shld open my eyes more and i guess still not mature enough yet la huh..i'll juz trust in Him.

Wow that was a niice explosion..guess those were building up over the past week, and i didnt really realise and feel it yet till today, since nothin was gettin better, so i had to come here and let go. Let me just say that the good times and the goodness of God has been so much more and better than what i've said up there, coz its just so refreshin to come here and find rest in Him. I have so much more time to read and just dwell in His presence, the pure beauty and simplicity of worshipping without a guitar, even though i brought over one. And i found a shop which sells guitars, and i tried one which was really quite unique man. It couldnt stay in tune however, but its quite cheap man, so i may buy it! Or shld i be faithful..HAHA

Through their ups and downs, David and the other Psalmists were frank in their writings and turned first to the Lord, nothin holdin them back. They just let out whatever they felt and were sincere and honest to e Lord, and we know God blessed David greatly after his trial. How cool la..i read somewhere that all the great men of the Lord, Martin Luther etc were mostly brutally honest in their ramblings to the Lord in their bad times, and i guess its because they truly recognised that they were not perfect and that God already knows whats goin on in their minds. Whats the point of saying this? I dunno. I forgot. hahaha thats how my mind works man, and its hard to understand me, but God does and its all that matters. But i'm really grateful to my family and frens who do.

Thank you all for your prayers. They're precious gems to God and I. Miss u all back there :) God bless

CIP-Reflections

2006-02-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

Time passes quick eh? The sememster is comin to an end..and i'm supposed to put my reflections on CIP right here. So...here it is!

Generally, CIP has strengthened my basic computing knowledge. I must say the topics are all very well chosen as they are all very practical and useful to our daily lives. For example, we learnt about viruses and other hazards that may affect our computers.

The assignment on macromedia was really good(and fun!). It has been an eye-opener to flash and dreamweaver for computer noobs like me. The assignment wasn't too difficult but required effort..just nice.

That goes for PBL too. The problems are original and sufficiently challenging for us to handle, yet not too difficult. And it taught us ALOT about teamwork.

Dr Tan u rock! Haha..yes he's our tutor, and what a gentleman he is. He is always more than willing to answer our doubts and questions. Being so friendly and approchable, we never hesitate to go to him when in need. His patience and kindness are what students need in their teachers. No surprise he got nominated for that award! Thank you Dr Tan! And my class rocks...the combination of 2 great classes..TB27 and TB28..we have bonded together and known each other better through this class.

If i could change something, that would be not having lectures for this module! Haha..or at least e-learning every week.

Something really useful i gotten out of this module was the chapter on computer security, as i have mentioned above. It reminded to be more careful when surfing the Net or opening emails.

I'm gonna miss this module so much because of the fun, good times, bad times we had together. And best of all...NOT SO STRESSFUL!! Yup this blog was created for CIP too..tribute ah..no la..assignment la..don't say tribute...ok i'm digressing. Yup juz wanna say CIP rocks! BYEBYE CIP.

NOOB!

2005-11-24T01:03:00.000-08:00

HELLO CHER! U'll probably be the only one reading my blog coz of CIP.Haha.This is my first time blogging, so give chance ah.Kiddin la.

Compared to modules like microeconomics and Business Statistics, CIP is fun! It seems more practical too, since computers are what we use everyday. Not that i don't know how to use computers, but CIP has taught me many more useful features that i didn't even know existed. And of course, it forced me to learn blogging!!The PBL has been challenging yet exciting so far. We have learnt so much more about hardware and software, and still learning!

Hmmm wad do i want to learn at the end of the module...build a computer from scratch? But i dowan to turn into nerd la cher..for fun only. Will we be learning about recording?Like recording music and stuff..hehe..just a thought. That should be all for now. BLUR.

Frog Blog. *Ribbit*
Sayonara.